One thing I have never been able to understand in the manosphere is the tendency for men to declare that they are angry or who seek revenge for their supposed sufferings at the hands of women in their late teens and twenties. There are two common refrains and they go like this:
The anger refrain.
Man gets woken up by the red pill and realizes that everything that he once thought was true about women was in fact entirely false. Man then gets angry at being lied to for all his life. This is the supposed bitter angry male that feminists and the MSM like to dig up whenever they desire a sacrificial lamb for their hit pieces.
My own awakening was before this stuff was on the internet so I didn’t have the benefit of being able to discuss tactics, successes, and failures with other guys. Back then you just did not talk about these concepts. The most you could do was to observe guys who were very successful with women and attempt to mimic their tactics. This was often unsuccessful due to the fact that the tactics the successful guys employed were superimposed on an underlying foundation of rock-solid frame. Trying to use the same tactics without the frame – in fact without even knowing the frame existed – was usually doomed to failure.
The other trait that the successful guys had was a complete and total absence of outcome dependence. They just did not care if they got shot down. But for someone like me who was attempting to break out of a blue pill mentality, this outcome dependence was a real problem. The one-liners and tricks looked empty and a sham when presented without these clarifying traits.
So when I finally began to understand what was needed the last thing on my mind was anger. After all that work and effort after years and years of trying and mostly failing, what I finally felt was a sense of relief that I was getting it. Perhaps guys today who are semi-woken from a blue pill mentality get so angry because they haven’t actually had to struggle that much to get there. Oh sure, they’ve been shot down by women and had terrible relationships and the like. But they haven’t had to crawl on their hands and knees in the dark trying to figure this stuff out. They’ve had it handed to them on a platter in the form of books, and blog posts, and podcasts, and Youtube videos. So they have the luxury of being angry.
Think about it. Not only did we not have the internet back in the 90s but we had to put up with seeing successful guys operate, mimicking their actions, and still crashing and failing, time and time again and not having a clue what we were doing wrong. But you put that much effort into improving yourself, over years and years of work and heartache, when you finally get there and break through the last thing on your mind is being angry. And that’s because you have so much skin in the game – all the time and effort you have invested over years of struggle. Guys today are just handed this information. A lot of the time they haven’t even bothered to seek it out at all. And you have the hide to get angry? Please, spare me.
The other type is the revenge refrain.
The revenge refrain goes something like this: Man reaches his sexual market value peak and begins dating hot younger chicks in supposed revenge for all the women who shrugged him off and treated him badly while he was in his younger years when his market value was noticeably lower. How about this comment from Rollo’s post on validation hunting?
The main reason 30s men date 20s women might not be validation, but don’t tell me passive revenge doesn’t taste sweet to a man who was lonely in his 20s.
This is bizarrely immature on multiple levels but I see this all the time. The most obvious tell is the fact that the revenge has to be passive. That is unless you intend on tracking down and calling up women who rejected you years earlier to boast about your latest sexual conquest. Sad and humiliating just doesn’t begin to cover that lame move.
But tacking on the adjective passive with the noun revenge simply negates the noun. You don’t get revenge if nobody who cares doesn’t know about it. It is an absence of revenge.
But the real problem with this is the underling mindset which is inherent in having this reaction. If you’re seeking to get revenge on women who rejected you, even if the revenge is supposedly passive, it means that you haven’t left these events in your life behind. You’re still holding on to them at an emotional level. Which means that you’re still impossibly Beta. The desire for revenge betrays your inherent Beta-ness. If we go back to my example of guys who are outcome independent, this is way beyond the opposite of that. You’re not just outcome dependent – you’re still holding on to rejections that occurred years or even decades ago.
It’s important to keep in mind that these rejections are not the same as a man who has been broken on the child support and alimony rack by a vengeful ex-wife. Being angry and seeking revenge in those instances is perfectly understandable. Unfortunately the new generations of special snowflakes assume that they have suffered great and terrible injustices when usually they’ve experienced no more or worse than previous generations did when trying to hook up with girls and find their way in the world.
So unless you have very good reason to, just drop the anger and revenge. The first indicates that you haven’t been trying hard enough while the second demonstrates that you probably need to go back and start from the beginning.