Hi, my name’s Matt. I’m a miserable Beta so I want you to learn with me how to be a miserable Beta too.
If there is one trait that characterizes Beta males it’s the fact that they do not learn from relationship mistakes. Betas almost always make the wrong assumptions of why things went south, and usually it will be something along the lines of, ‘it was my fault/I didn’t respect her enough/I didn’t show my love enough/blah blah blah.
Case in point. Yesterday I discovered a post titled ‘She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink’. Don’t click on the link yet. Assume for a moment that this was written from the perspective of an Alpha male. If it was I would posit that the post would go something along these lines:
My wife left me because of some dishes left near the sink. What a child. Good riddance. And shame on me that I married someone with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. I must never make this same mistake again.
Sounds fairly reasonable. But the article was not written by an all-powerful Alpha. It was written by a sniveling and miserable excuse of a man.
Every time she’d walk into the kitchen and find a drinking glass by the sink, she moved incrementally closer to moving out and ending our marriage. I just didn’t know it yet. But even if I had, I fear I wouldn’t have worked as hard to change my behavior as I would have stubbornly tried to get her to see things my way.
There is no excuse to want to change any behavior of a person that you marry. You wanted to marry them, right? If your spouse decides that they want to change their behavior, well that’s up to them. And as for trying to make them see things your own way, that is loser-ville with a fast ticket. They don’t like you leaving dishes by the sink? Point out to them where the door is located.
Feeling respected by one’s wife is essential to living a purposeful and meaningful life. Maybe I thought my wife should respect me simply because I exchanged vows with her. It wouldn’t be the first time I acted entitled. One thing I know for sure is that I never connected putting a dish in the dishwasher with earning my wife’s respect.
See how Betas just cannot learn from relationship experience? His wife never wanted him to put the dishes in the stupid dishwater. She wanted him to stand up for himself.
I always reasoned: “If you just tell me what you want me to do, I’ll gladly do it.”
But she didn’t want to be my mother. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household.
If she didn’t want to be your mother, why was she acting like one?
She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management.
I wish I could remember what seemed so unreasonable to me about that at the time.
You can’t remember what is unreasonable about a woman expecting that you become her little house slave through the process of mental telepathy?
There is only ONE reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink. A lesson I learned much too late: Because I love and respect my partner, and it REALLY matters to her.
Much fail in this one there is, hmmmm.
The man DOES NOT want to divorce his wife because she’s nagging him about the glass thing which he thinks is totally irrational.
It is totally fucking irrational. It’s also the behavior of an emotionally stunted child.
The wife doesn’t want to divorce her husband because he leaves used drinking glasses by the sink.
She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn’t respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn’t love her, and she can’t count on him to be her lifelong partner. She can’t trust him. She can’t be safe with him. Thus, she must leave and find a new situation in which she can feel content and secure.
What are the chances of this loser marrying another woman and making the same mistakes all over again? Anybody want to give me the under/over on that one? Anybody for a bet? No, I didn’t think so. I’ll spell it out for him just in case he listens:
The wife wants to divorce you because you don’t stand up for yourself on a miniscule shit test. Over and over she repeats the shit test and over and over you fail. With every failure her respect for you as a man decreases. It isn’t anything to do with you respecting or loving her. It’s all about the reverse of what you believe it to be.
I have no doubt that this poor schmuck has listened to a bunch of women tell him what he did wrong. He’ll go into his next relationship believing these things:
Caring about her = keeping your laundry off the floor.
Caring about her = thoughtfully not tracking dirt or whatever on the floor she worked hard to clean.
Caring about her = taking care of kid-related things so she can just chill out for a little bit and not worry about anything.
Caring about her = “Hey babe. Is there anything I can do today or pick up on my way home that will make your day better?”
Caring about her = a million little things that say “I love you” more than speaking the words ever can.
Feel free to throw up in your own mouth right now. Repeat after me – you never listen to what women say, you only observe what they do. In this case he got divorced over a simple shit test. He hasn’t learned from his experience and he will repeat the same mistakes again and again. This is why it’s so hard for Betas to break out of their internal bondage and servitude.
And remember kiddies, always marry an adult.