Yesterday afternoon I met my wife in the city for an after work drink and dinner. I made the mistake of telling her to pick the bar as I was coming into the city and she was already there. My wife likes to people watch, particularly if it is a crowd that we do not normally associate with. I found the bar and immediately swore under my breath. It was your bog standard after work pick up joint for office workers. It had a jungle theme which is really all you need to know, although I will say that the startling profusion of fake oversize stuffed animal heads emerging from the walls was somewhat of a distraction.
The good wife also likes rooftop bars and this one was about ten flights up on a rickety internal wooden staircase that screamed fire trap. Emerging into sunlight I stepped out onto the crowded wooden deck which was lined with plastic palm trees. The place was packed with lower tier office workers in suits and skirts. It was still very early in the evening so nobody was obviously off their face but the place was a meat market. It had the meat market vibe. The average age was probably around thirty five, the sort of age where desperation has caused peoples’ standards to drop to the single requirement that the other person uses deodorant.
That’s when it hit me – the scope-out. I got it hard and I got it with full intensity. I was looking for my wife, (who was nowhere to be seen), so I wasn’t fucking around but in an instant I just knew. If I had wanted to I could have been leaving that shithole with just about any woman I wanted in under ten minutes. That’s not a brag, it’s a simple statement of fact.
I finally located the good wife downstairs who was having a fine time observing the patrons’ behavior and we got the hell out of there. But I kept thinking about that rooftop bar and what I had seen in the brief amount of time it had taken me to ascertain that my wife was not there. What struck me was the men. They were not there to have a drink. They were there to try and get lucky. The alcohol served only to raise the level of their courage as betas are always risk averse.
The men had been predominantly in groups of other men. The women were in groups of women. The various groups eyed each other off. The women were waiting for one of the losers to make his move and the men were waiting for a solid-rock-guaranteed opening signal that meant they stood no chance of being rejected.
Betas are lazy when it comes to women. A lot of negativity gets thrown around the manosphere with regards to women and how duplicitous they are in relationships. How over 70% of divorces are initiated by women and so on and so on. While this is true and women have a lot to answer for it doesn’t absolve the majority of men on their absolute laziness with regards to the dating scene.
A beta man wants a woman who will love him “for who he is”. He is not particularly discerning on who this women will be but once with her he will conclude that “she is the one”. His dream is to stick a ring on her finger and then settle down for the rest of his life as he will have sorted out this whole woman business. He will have made almost no effort to understand the male/female dynamic and he will have made about the same amount of effort to improve himself and create his frame. Put simply, he will be perfectly content if a reasonably attractive woman approaches him, seduces him, declares him the man for her, and off they go to a life of kids and marital bliss.
The divorce always comes as “a complete shock” which “came out of the blue” and “poleaxed him”. He doesn’t understand what is happening because he has never made a point of trying to understand in the first place. He will have taken it for granted that things would have just proceeded of their own accord. When events run contrary to his expectation he is lost.
Betas react to women whereas alphas get women to react to them. It is an important distinction. It has nothing to do with ego but everything to do with understanding the male/female dynamic. As always I am speaking in generalities but it is from there where we can begin to sort out the different behaviors. Because betas have made next to no effort with regards to women they are then at the mercy of events that are happening around them. You are either controlling events or you are subject to events. Alphas operate from a basis of personal power, while betas lack that control.
Betas can be very hardworking in other aspects of their lives but it is their tendency to be completely risk averse as a result of personal insecurities which leads them to laziness when dealing with women. This then causes them to operate on a basis of powerlessness. It might just work out for them in the long run, after all the divorce rate is not 100%. But that is relying on luck and hope.
I steered the good wife to a very nice establishment around the corner where we sat at the bar and had a well crafted drink. There was no scope-out and it was no meat market. The patrons were comfortable and secure in their personalities. Absence the atmosphere of desperation I began to relax. That atmosphere of desperation in the first bar was endemic to the patrons and their personal situations. I realized that betas live with that same feeling of desperation in the home. They hope that everything is going to be all right but they never know what is coming next and nor do they know how they would deal with it.
It’s not much of a way to live.