Black Dragon has one of his best ever posts with What men don’t understand about female attraction. I consider this a must read for any guy who hopes to have successful relationships with women. To summarize his points I’ll kick off with this:
You don’t do what she says.
A woman wants to know that she has a strong man. She needs confirmation of that fact. It’s all well and good to act strong and to be “the big man” but women presciently understand that acting tough and being tough aren’t necessarily the same thing. Thus she will create chaos in her relationship to see whether or not her man will stand up to her. If she is able to control her man then that means that anyone else can potentially control him. And if anyone else can control him this communicates two things to her.
- He isn’t that strong after all.
- She isn’t that special.
The second point is more interesting. Women want to feel that they are special. They feel special by attaining something or someone that is unattainable to other women. Thus if she discovers that her man is easily pliable then it tells her that she hasn’t tamed anyone that special. He could have been tamed by anyone. Which means that he could have ended up with anyone. Which means that she isn’t special.
No special equals plunging levels of attractiveness.
This does not mean that for a man to be attractive to a woman he just needs to go around saying no all the time. That’s just being a dick. It simply means that you stand up for yourself and do not let her push you around. As Blackdragon says, doing this will raise her frustration level with you but it will also raise your attractiveness with her as well. The key here is balance.
Men who cannot do this often fall into the trap of publicly acting tough when they are out with their wife. They don’t act tough with their wife but they act tough with others in front of her. They are desperately trying to demonstrate to her that they are in fact “the big man”. It’s pretty hilarious to watch but also rather sad. You can see them stealing furtive glances back to their lord and master as they try to ascertain whether their big act is being successful. The only people that it fools are other guys. Women know, however. Their looks will be one of pity – for the wife.
Beta males just say yes to every demand their wife or partner makes in the mistaken belief that this will cause her to like him more. In actual fact it has the opposite effect. The more he acquiesces, the more her demands rise, all in an effort to see whether or not he will finally grow a pair and stand up to her. Losing his shit and having a yelling match with her is not what entails standing up to her. If you lose your shit then you have lost. You must always say no with a shit-eating grin, the type that communicates that you’re not really taking her ridiculous demands seriously.
With this dynamic as a man you can never arrive. There is no point where this will stop. You must always demonstrate that you have what it takes. You can never rest on your laurels or take it for granted that she knows that you stand up for yourself. You simply must do it. You must be it. She must always know that she can rely on you.
Failing this test over a period of time is the primary reason that women leave men and it is why all relationship therapy is inherently doomed. Think about it – if it takes someone else outside the relationship to attempt to get the man to be more of a man then that just makes him even less of a man in her eyes. A woman’s opinion level of her man will plunge to outright disdain at this point.
As a man, the only way to ascertain whether what a woman is asking of you is unacceptable or not is to have strong frame. If your frame is undeveloped then you will lack the necessary experience needed to make clear and correct decisions. That’s why frame is everything.