Adam Piggott

Gentleman adventurer

Hire 3000 new police officers or just one guy?

The big news last week in my part of the world was the announcement that the Victorian government intends to recruit almost 3000 new police officers. It seems that we have a bit of a crime wave in Melbourne. This culminated a couple of weeks ago with the ex-deputy police commissioner having the culturally enriching experience of four Sundanese immigrant youth attempting to wave down his car with a tomahawk while traveling at speed on the freeway in broad daylight. The ex-copper was able to put his foot down and escape the perpetrators due to his amazing driving skills and the very fast Mercedes which got him targeted in the first place.

These sort of scenes are a daily occurrence but I can’t see how any increase in police numbers is going to change the situation. The sad fact is that successive governments have hamstrung the police. The cops aren’t allowed to engage in high-speed pursuits without a written letter of approval from their mommy. They can’t stop and frisk these African youth because that would be “harassment.” On and on it goes.

And if they do manage to get the little bastards in front of a judge then the weak bail and sentencing laws just result in them being straight back onto the street. Not to mention that the judicial appointments have been politically motivated for years.

With 3000 new police officers all I can envisage happening is a massive increase in the number of citations given for jaywalking. Other crimes which these new police will ruthlessly pursue include, talking after lights out, crossing the street to avoid me, living in a residential area during the hours of darkness, and willfully continuing to live after being asked to stop by a police officer, (I’m not that funny – I stole all of those from Not the Nine o’clock News.)

We don’t need 3000 new police officers. No, we only need one new police officer, or at least somebody like him, and we need to put that guy in charge. Someone like former sheriff’s captain Clay Higgins who has just won a seat in the US government. Higgins defeated the Republican incumbent who has been an elected or appointed official for almost three decades. In other words, a professional politician whose sole responsibility is to himself by continuing to be elected. Well not anymore.

Just how much of an impact would someone like Higgins have if appointed to the top job in the Victorian police? You can decide for yourself. Watch the videos in all their gloriousness, (Is that even a word?)

These are great but my favorite is his commencement speech to new police graduates in his district. This man is a real leader and you can have as many troops or cops on the ground as you want. But if they’re not being led properly then you will fail to reach your objectives. Like I said, prepare for a massive upsurge in jaywalking tickets.


Have you taken the Ku Klux Klan rafting?


Podcast # 30 – The “Blackwater” episode.


  1. When you walk across the road in defiance of traffic laws, just be sure to wave around a tomahawk and you should be fine.

    • Adam

      I don’t think I’m allowed to because that would be cultural appropriation …

  2. Sjonnar

    I dunno man. That first video it sounds like he’s reading from a teleprompter. In the third, he’s clearly reading off his tablet, and long-winded speechifying has never impressed me anyway.

    The second video is much better. Still a little verbose for a call-out, but you can tell he’s actually looking forward to sticking the burglar in a cage, and it comes out better.

    • Adam

      He’s better by far than anyone we’ve got out here.

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