I have broken the law and I’m on the run.

By the time you read this I will have left Australia a wanted man.

No, really. I broke the law and I am unrepentant. Maybe they’ll get me some day, maybe they won’t. But I am on the run, on the lam, a fugitive, a black stain on my family’s honor. Accused by a public servant, a government agent, of wrongdoings most heinous.

My crime is to have forgotten to vote in a local council election in my suburb. The council in question is called Stonnington and they had an election earlier this year to which I gave exactly zero fucks. I knew that voting is compulsory in Australia but I thought that this was restricted to federal and state elections. It turns out that I was wrong.

Here in the cloudy state of Victoriastan, under the malevolent eye of serial pervert premier Dan Andrews, it transpires that this mandatory dosage of democracy also extends to facile and stupid council elections. The first I knew about it was a few months back when I received a letter in the mail inviting me to explain why I had not voted in the recent election. I suppose that I had a good excuse seeing as I had moved from Western Australia where it is not compulsory to vote for the usual corrupt activist hacks who typically run for local council.

Instead I simply threw the letter in the bin.

Another month passed and then I got a second missive. This was a bit more curt. It seemed that my lack of diligence in prostrating myself before the administrative git who was responsible for sending me these letters had landed me in hot water. My failure to comply had moved up a notch and I was now faced with the reality of having to pay a fine which was somewhere in the region of $90 for first failing to vote and then failing to explain myself to the proper authorities.

I threw the second letter into the bin as well.

A month later came the third letter. My fine had now been increased to over $100 due to the additional administrative costs that my refusal to bow down to unelected officials had caused. If I did not comply and pay the fine my case may be moved to a local court that would view my behavior very badly, blah blah blah, for which I would be liable for court costs, and probably community service, as well as a lecture by the local council worker who has Down syndrome.

Into the bin it went.

They may send a fourth letter, buggered if I know, but I am on the lam. Out of the country. Gone overseas. Permanently fucked off for good. Good luck getting it from me.

Australia is the only country in the world that has compulsory voting, and it is inherently undemocratic. There is no significant difference between not having a vote and having to vote. Both options impose a distinct lack of choice in the matter. It is obvious why not being able to vote is a bad thing but the compulsory voting issue is nebulous for many people to grasp.

If voting is compulsory then politicians do not have to hustle. They know that 95% of the population will turn up, and since they know that people vote along tribal lines then the majority of the job is already done. Either they are on the nose this time or the opposition is on the nose. Either way they get to palm government office back and forth with very little effort on their part. A politician who hustles in this environment sees very little advantage over a lazy and incautious opponent.

But if voting is not compulsory then politicians who do not hustle are at a severe disadvantage to their opponents who get out amongst the electorate in order to ascertain what is going on at the ground level.

In other words, the beneficiaries of non-compulsory voting are the people. The beneficiaries of compulsory voting are the politicians.

None of the letters were sent to me by certified mail so of course I didn’t take the issue seriously. It is a complete joke, and the public officials know that they will receive a reasonable amount of payments from people who do not understand how the system works. The same thing happened last year when I refused to partake in the government census, another mandatory exercise which is supposedly punishable by large fines to the recalcitrant.

The woman who was responsible for my local area turned up three times to give me the forms to fill out. Each time I politely refused. On her final attempt I invited her onto the front porch due to the fact that it was raining. On my own ground she relaxed somewhat and let down her formally steadfast public service manner.

“You know that you risk a large fine if you don’t fill this out,” she said.

I examined the large envelope that she had brought for me. “It’s addressed to the householder,” I replied. “You can’t impose a fine on someone if you don’t know their name. And the Act under which you’re operating specifically forbids you to obtain it by communicating with other agencies.”

She sighed. “And I don’t suppose that you’re going to give me your name.”

I smiled. “I don’t think that’s even remotely likely.”

Australia – attempting to fuck over its own citizens at every opportunity. World’s most undemocratic democracy. I won’t miss it in the slightest.

 

 

17 thoughts on “I have broken the law and I’m on the run.

  1. Enjoyable post but I’m going to disagree with everything you just said.

    You don’t have to vote, you just have to turn up at the polling station or send in your ballot. You can refuse to vote by voting informal.

    The traditional way to do this is to leave the boxes blank and instead draw a crude picture of yourself chucking a bare-bum moonie at caricatures of the main candidates. Your caption should read, ‘I have cast my eye over all the contestants and found them wanting.’ You should also scrawl ‘WEE POO FANNY’ on your ballot in large letters. I’m not sure why, it’s just what people do. I was once a scrutineer for the Australian Electoral Commission and one diligent citizen has written nothing but ‘Why bother? The aliens are coming’ on his ballot. I think he made his point.

    Freedom must be occasionally renewed through the mooning of patriots and tyrants.

    In the US, elections are largely won by getting key ethnic groups out to vote in sufficient numbers. I wonder if this exacerbates the racial divisions in that country. In Australia everyone votes so parties instead focus on winning them over. Our largest visible minority would be Asians but they do not seem to vote as a block to the extent that black Americans do.

    As for the census, all public policy and a lot of business initiatives are groping in the dark while handcuffed without census data. It’s not all about stealing your income and plotting how to indoctrinate your kids to be trannies. Sometimes people just want to figure out where to put in a gas main.

    But good luck. Close Aussie bank accounts because they might be able to pinch money from there.

    I’ll be in Oz soon and was going to try and catch up but looks like I just missed you. All the best in Belarus/Estonia/Vatican City.

    Like

  2. John C

    I hate how every time I bring it up with the average Australian on compulsory voting, the answer is almost the same. First they agree with compulsory voting on the grounds that that some how it is better for democracy if everyone votes. Then when I say not voting is a vote of no confidence, I get a stupid answer of how in America less people vote in elections then american idol and if we did not have compulsory voting here then most people would not vote. What can I say, do you want people who vote that don’t know much about politics? Also some of these people are the same people would go on about Global warming and don’t think of the waste of resources from compulsory voting fines and bureaucrats that need to be hired to hunt people not voting.

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    1. pavetack

      I believe that if they have mandatory voting, every office should have a mandatory “None of the Above” choice; not selecting a candidate for the office defaults to “None of the Above”. If “None of the Above” wins, the candidates are ineligible to hold that office for the coming term. Similarly, a referendum (issue) should have “Pass”, “Do Not Pass” and “None of the Above”. If “None of the Above” wins, the issue cannot be put on the ballot until after the next General election (so 4 years in the US).

      If you’re going to make us vote, make the politicians put some skin in the game!

      Like

  3. areukittenme

    I was a primary school teacher for a while and you remind me of the naughty boys who disobeyed the rules, kept getting into trouble and made no real effort to conform. They sometimes frustrated me but they also made my job interesting and challenging. Without them we may as well all be robots. Giving the authorities grief & getting away with it is a mark of intelligence.

    Like

    1. I stopped playing by the rules at the age of 13 when my parents got divorced. With the family unit going out the window, so did the foundation on which all of the rules had been built, as well as the shared responsibilities. I had done my part and dutifully followed the rules and yet it had all gone to shit. So what was the point of being a good boy?

      Like

  4. Brandon

    Ahem. Interesting. Never heard that argument against compulsory voting before; it seems sound. The left bangs on about poor turnout whenever a vote goes against it and stays silent when it wins.

    I think the voter age should be raised to 25 which is when the brain stops developing. I realised that my own ponderous journey out of loony leftism started when I got to 25. No representation without net taxation is something I would also favour.

    In fact we could introduce weightings for marriage, fatherhood, and any other criteria that implies skin in the game. We could have exclusions for public sector workers or any others with a financial conflict of interest.

    Increasingly half the population are voting to pick other people’s pockets to pay for their own bad decisions.

    Becoming a mortgage payer had a huge impact on my approach to the economy.

    Like

    1. Mr Black

      I’d have the voter age at a minimum of at least 30, ideally 35 and only those who own property or are net taxpayers can vote. If you live on the government purse, you give up your right to decide on other peoples taxes.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. We here in America went down the tubes when we a) trashed the requirement to own land in order to vote (skin in the game) and b) when we gave wymyn and blacks the right to vote.

    It’s been downhill (no pushing rubber) ever since.

    Congrats for being on the lam. Wish you were coming here.

    We need more dudes like you.

    Like

  6. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 01.21.17 : The Other McCain

  7. It is sad to read post like this. The giant lump of bureaucracy like a mountain of protoplasm eats its way into the people’s lives with its meaningless but overbearing statutes to totalitarianism. Citizens who despise the melting pot of universal stupidity and socialism have to leave the country, their feelings of attachment having been slowly sucked out of them by the beast of State.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Advo

    I don’t vote in two instances:

    One, I don’t know enough about the candidates or issues to make an informed vote, or

    Two, I don’t vote for anyone running unopposed. I want the candidate to look at a vote tally and realize that, say 10,000 votes were cast, and I got 6500 running against no one.

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  9. I had heard of a county office that was held by a member of one party for ages and ages, to the point the opposing party had trouble finding anyone willing to even appear opposing since it was a Given that it was a sacrificial run – they would lose, every time. Eventually the officeholder died and the opposing party managed to find someone with the same name to run and they won the office that way – pure “name recognition” and nothing else.

    Like

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