Rollo has a really interesting post this week on the topic of men surrendering themselves to women.
Nothing leaves a man more vulnerable in life, love, family, career, finances and really power over the direction of his life than to invest himself in a woman.
This is something that I have spoken about several times and it is of crucial importance to the modern man. You can stuff up just about any aspect of your life and still be able to pull through okay, but if you are a fool with women then you are leaving yourself in a hopelessly compromised position.
But it was another aspect of Rollo’s post that really made me sit up and take notice.
The Family Alpha made this observation last week:
“… Many men have given the power over their inner self entirely to the women of their lives …”
While I completely agree, what I’m wondering is why this need to surrender self is an intrinsic aspect in men? The majority of men (80% Betas) are pre-whipped to expect a need to surrender to the women in their lives. Their abdication is so matter of fact that it becomes something subconscious for them.
It’s an important question and one that goes right to the heart of many problems that men have in their lives, and not just in their personal situations. Simply put, if a man is willing to surrender himself to a woman it signifies that he has nothing going on. A man invests himself completely in a woman because he hasn’t made anything of himself. It is an abdication of his manhood.
Remember; women find themselves, but men make themselves. The difference is crucial. Men are the tinkerers, the doers. Men have hobbies; women go to the gym. Men have interests; women have book clubs. Men are outcome focused; women are process focused.
A well-rounded man is an interesting man, and an interesting man is a confident man. Women love interesting men because it communicates to them that he doesn’t really need them in his life, and women always want what they cannot obtain. This goes together with Rollo’s dictum that a woman must always be a compliment to your life, not the central focus.
In short, women want a man who doesn’t need a woman. It not only takes the pressure off them, it communicates that here is a man that is going to get on with it and achieve stuff. Someone who will make the decisions and lead. That is what women want.
The famous Dos Equis commercial campaign that featured ‘The most interesting man in the world’ was successful for a good reason. The agency behind the concept stated the rational for it: “He is a man rich in stories and experiences, much the way the audience hopes to be in the future.” What they didn’t elaborate on was how this was split in the target demographics. Men want to be the most interesting man, but women want to be with him.
Think carefully about the men that you know in your life. Consider your colleagues, the men in your family, your friends, and anyone else that springs to mind. Now split them into those that are interesting and those that aren’t. Now imagine how each group would go if they split up with their respective partners. I have no doubt that the interesting men would be far better off in comparison to the more mundane men that you know, and that is because the mundane men have invested their entire reason for being in their woman. When she leaves he has nothing, both materially and spiritually.
I have no compassion for beta men like this because they bring it upon themselves with their inherent laziness. Men who desire to invest themselves totally in a woman are indeed lazy. Instead of making something of themselves, instead of doing their best to have something going on, they instead focus their energies entirely on getting a woman and making that woman the center of their existence.
And once that is achieved, once they have their little family and their creature comforts, then they are done. They have arrived. In their own mind they have done the hard work required for success, which is a lie because in reality they have done absolutely nothing at all as a man.
And their women know it. Women despise a man who abdicates his manhood in this way. Women initiate over 70% of divorces because they think that they can’t do any worse than the schmuck that they are married to, when the reality is that the vast majority of men are like this.
My 28 traits of the modern man are designed to get you to start becoming interesting. To have something going on in your life. This is why young men always want to have a girlfriend because it signifies to them that they are successful and doing something when in fact the exact opposite is true.
It is no coincidence that my first book begins with me chasing a girl all the way across Australia. I did that because I had nothing going on, and being with such a spectacular woman would have been a great short term substitute for not making something of myself. But she recoiled from this dependency and dumped me, and that was when I had to choose: do I continue trying to fill a hole in my inner self with a woman or do I get out there and make something of my life?
The book is about how I did that, and how in turn I became a man, maybe even an interesting one.
An interesting man has something to offer and thus he is able to choose which woman he wants to compliment his life. A beta male has little to no choice, but in reality this doesn’t even matter because he will take just about any woman that he can get. Can you see just why this so unattractive to a woman? You’re choosing her not because she is special for you, but because you just need a chick on which to pin all of your hopes and dreams.
In the mind of a beta male this is perfectly acceptable because he is submitting himself to her, submitting himself to the feminine ideal, and society encourages this sort of behavior in many ways. But at heart it is self-destructive, both as being a man and as a relationship dynamic between a man and a woman.
One reason I believe men become so despondent, so nihilistic, after some trauma that shook them into Red Pill awareness is that their identity, their sense of self, was a result of this ceding of power to women. They literally do not know what to make of themselves once they are cut free from that paradigm, but moreover they must confront the fact that who they are now (at the time of their unplugging) is, in large part, due to that self-surrender.
They do not know what to make of themselves because they never bothered to make anything of themselves in the first place. They ceded their personal power to an idealized version of a woman, and as a man that is absolutely the very worst thing that you can do.
In the short term it is indeed very challenging to make something of yourself as a man, and the temptation to abrogate this responsibility by deferring it to some sort of idealized love is very tempting. But in the long term this is a complete disaster. I have never heard of a single man for whom this has not only worked out but who has been happy and content with his lot into his old age as a result.
The only truly satisfying path is the one that eventually gives you your long term gain, and that is to make a man of yourself by making something of your life. Just be aware that you never truly arrive. You always need to have something going on.