Misery loves company. Ask any pimp how he goes about restocking his selection of hookers with some young, firm, and unspoilt female specimens, and his answer will be along these lines: get one teenage girl trapped and then sit back and wait for her to bring in most of her friends.
This tendency to spread around the pain from bad decisions does not recede as people get older; if anything it gets worse. Con men target the elderly not because they’re feeble-minded but because at the end of their lives they’re running out of options and they’re desperate to demonstrate just one last time that all of their bad decisions were flukes and this one is gonna win big I tell ya.
But nowhere is this behavior pattern more noticeable than in middle-aged women who have swallowed the feminist lie that they can have it all. Dalrock tells the story of just such a woman who decided to “listen to her whispers” and dump her loyal husband of many years for a bad boy who had his fun and then left her. Far from learning from the folly of her actions, she doubled down and opened her own consultancy business encouraging other women to make the same mistake.
BY THE END OF MY 2-MONTH COACHING PROGRAM:
You will have clarity about your most important relationship and if you’re struggling to know whether you should stay or go; you will have your answer for your life and your heart.
What’s the bet that she “counsels” every one of her unfortunate clients to “follow their heart” and ruin their own lives as well. I have no doubt that her next brilliant business proposal will be to open group counseling sessions and weekend retreats for women who followed her advice and threw it all away, and that these retreats will be wildly popular.
This tendency to extreme displays of narcissism is increasing and it goes hand in hand with the growing societal pressure to bring up kids by putting them first at every opportunity. If a kid grows up as the center of his parent’s universe, as the most important facet of the household, and is put first at every opportunity, then don’t be surprised if he acts this way in adult life as well.
Instead of valuing her role as a wife and mother and understanding that marriage is a group effort where personal sacrifices have to be made, this woman cheated on her husband, destroyed her marriage, and then rationalized it in this way:
The lesson is that we need to pay attention to our longings, to the whispers on our hearts. When we have a longing for more…more connection…more meaning…more love, it’s time to wake-up and pay attention. Our lives are talking to us. We didn’t place those desires on our hearts so we’re not going to be able to get rid of them either; maybe it’s time to begin embracing them.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; if you want to have a successful marriage, marry an adult, not a grown child.
This is how children instinctively behave. Children obsess on their longings, children always have a longing for more, and children emphatically embrace their desires. That is until the adult in the room brings them to heel and teaches them that we live in a collaborative society, and willfully following your every whim and desire only leads to personal misery and destruction. The virtue most in danger of disappearing from our world is that of personal restraint.
(On a tangent note, this is why I can never take libertarians seriously. They are the other facet of the coin that represents people who have never bothered to grow up. Adults know that you can’t do anything you want and understand why.)
But some women are waking up to the bevy of lies that they have been told. Staying fit for your husband is one of the best gifts you can give him, is a piece written by a Millennial.
But there’s one truth that is particularly difficult for our genderless, sexless culture to accept, because it eviscerates not one, but two shibboleths of the age: first, that men and women desire the same things in relationships, and second, that a selfish, “be yourself” attitude is a good prescription for marital bliss.
For “be yourself” you can also substitute phrases such as “listen to your whispers”.
One of the reasons that my wife keeps herself in excellent shape is out of respect for me. It’s the same reason that she makes a general effort about her appearance. A married woman who cuts her hair short and starts wearing frumpy clothes is no longer making an effort to please her man. Sometimes this is to do with his own neglect of his responsibilities to her, but all too often it is simply because she doesn’t see the value in continuing to make an effort. If you have been taught to “have it all” then you won’t have learned how to value that which you already do have.
A woman instinctively wants to please her man if she is content, and you make a woman content by firmly leading her. If your wife is a complement to your life but not its center then she will always be working to make sure that she has some of your attention. She won’t have any time or inclination to “listen to her whispers” due to the fact that she is so busy making sure that she keeps you.
Of course, men have been brought up being told that they have to put their wife first at every opportunity, which is exactly the sort of behavior that gets you in trouble to begin with. As a man there are two ways to make a woman a complement to your life. The “bad boy” method is to treat them like shit and keep them running back for more. The other method is to construct a mission for your life as outlined in Roissy’s indispensable 16 Commandments of Poon:
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
Making a woman “your everything” is what is known as a bad decision. Don’t be one of those guys who in the future will be sitting around in some awful divorced male bonding weekend, collectively wondering where they all went wrong, and never coming close to the truth.