Adam Piggott

Gentleman adventurer

Feminist Imperative implodes due to Russian makeup hack.

What’s just about guaranteed to make the feminist imperative lose its collective mind? Roll back no fault divorce laws? Make abortion illegal? Outlaw blue hair dye?

My friends, all of these pale into insignificance when a man has the sheer temerity, the jaw dropping genius to invent an app that removes makeup from photos of women. Not only that but the inventor of the app is a Russian, which inevitably will result in George Takei blaming him for his decision to put foundation on his butt cheeks.

So what is the effect of removing all that carefully applied trucco? (Trucco is the Italian word for makeup which translates as ‘trick’.) Well, the guys over at The Right Stuff forum have been on a crusade to sample the app’s effects.

Rey from Star Wars demonstrating why she should have played a stormtrooper …

I don’t know who this is and now I don’t want to know …

This is why it is foolish to lust after young women on the internet who pretend to be conservative …

not even Harvey would hit this …

Of course no app is perfect and even this one is defeated on occasion:

This is only a few hours old and yet we already have the first raving loony feminist article claiming that this app is misogynistic because … beards.

First off, can we please talk about beards? Because I’ve seen a good deal of men — from boyfriends, to friends, to brothers — who have shaved off their stubble, and all I can think is: THAT’S YOUR CONTOUR. Are makeup lovers pulling up bar stools and sighing heavily into their Wild Turkey shots on how they have been burned by a beard sculpt? No, no we are not. Mainly because we know what men do with their faces is up to them. And we still like you for you even after your “contour” comes off.

Girls, girls girls; the makeup party is over. There is a reason that men have a term known as ‘morning face’ to describe someone that they have slept with. Morning face is another way of saying ‘truth’. You wake up next to that hot chick that you picked up at the academy awards after party and it turns out that she doesn’t look so hot no more after a night of drooling onto her pillow. That’s why we never call. We’ve seen you.

Now with the world of online dating men can bypass such hideous morning experiences. Simply use this new app on a potential Tinder date, find out what she will look like after the alcohol and makeup has worn off, and you have all the ammunition you need to swipe in whatever direction you need to in order to keep looking for an alternative.

When I was in my twenties I wised up to the potential horror of morning makeup misery, to the extent that I only dated women who didn’t use makeup or who kept it to an absolute minimum. I also had a ‘no foundation’ rule. Foundation is simply another word for acne or smallpox. But nowadays you young-ins are going out with a chick based on a photo so you need other methods to ensure her compatibility.

With the invention of this app we have a new Russian hero in the world of dating. Now all he has to do is to make an app that does the same thing for boob jobs and push up bras.

To finish off, not all women come off looking awful once their makeup is lifted. To whit, the hawt ones.


The modern Christian fear of life, the universe, and everything.


Podcast #64 – The kindness episode.


  1. purge187

    “First off, can we please talk about beards? Because I’ve seen a good deal of men — from boyfriends, to friends, to brothers — who have shaved off their stubble, and all I can think is: THAT’S YOUR CONTOUR.”

    Pfft, as if she ever had a boyfriend.

  2. A mountain version of Morning Face: “That’s a leg hold you don’t want to wake to.”

    As in leg hold trap where the animal suffers until it’s put down.

  3. TechieDude

    I believe the one you don’t know is Ariana Grande, imitation pop-star product.

    I live in a pretty affluent metro area. Women spend a crap-ton of dough on the best hair styling, make over, and clothes money can buy. From a distances, you scope them out and figure they are looking good. Get up close, and you can see it.

    What’s under all that makeup is a boring as toast girl next door.

    I was at my daughter’s school, way back when, for a meeting. The new principal glommed the whole intro segment. All I could see from my seat was the hair, and tits. Both appeared to be “augmented”. After, my wife asked what I thought. I told her “I think they’re fake”, which earned me a punch.

    Sure enough. When I went up to chat, I saw under that hair, makeup, and boob job (and probably lipo) was the crypt-keeper.

  4. Bernd

    Ah, the evil russian hackers are doing their thing again.

    I don’t really understand the outrage, if only this app saves a lot of time for both men and women. I mean, you will see her without makeup sooner or later anyway and leave if it is not to your likening. Okay, maybe the women will get a little bit less attention…

    On a sidenote: thank you for discouraging me from going to Amsterdam. I came back from Budapest earlier this week. It was great. Interesting city, excellent food. Can recommend.

  5. Chacha

    Seriously stop wearing makeup moisturize and drink water because you’re making a bad situation worse!

  6. dearieme

    I’d settle for a compromise whereby women stop wearing those vile false eyelashes. And men stop wearing false moustaches.

    • Sjonnar

      Well, apparently I fucked that code up.

      Related: a “preview post” button would be useful.

  7. As I have said elsewhere: the reason Taylor Swift comes out ok is that all of her photos are ‘shopped until there’s no detail left for the algorithm to latch onto. That girl is very, very careful about who gets to take her photo and what gets done with it.

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