You don’t need game in marriage.

The general attitude around the manosphere on the subject of marriage is that the modern man would have to be mad to even contemplate the very idea seeing as how badly the deck is stacked against him with regards to divorce, custody of children and the ongoing financial obligations that burden a man who finds himself in the position of being cast out of his own home because he doesn’t give his wife the tingles any more.

In the MGTOW community this attitude is written in stone, and for good reason; only not for the reason that those men think. That is because the men who inhabit the present-day iteration of MGTOW would be eaten alive in the average marriage. They think that they’re abstaining from the contract because it’s not worth their while, when in actual fact they’re avoiding it because they don’t know how to effectively manage a woman in the very short term, let alone in the long term.

The unsuitability of marriage for men today is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Since the 1970s, boys raised in Anglo-Saxon countries have been progressively taught that masculinity is inherently bad and that boys should be in touch with their feelings and display vulnerabilities. As Rollo notes, the education system is dominated by women who attempt to educate boys using learning methodologies that favor girls.

These boys grow into adult boys: they are not men and it is extremely important to underline that point. This is why the ‘soy boys’ slur is so brutally effective; it cuts to the very heart of the main problem. That problem is that boys in the main are not becoming men.

If and when these adult boys enter marriage they will almost certainly be eaten alive. This is because they will have chosen a woman who is inherently unsuitable but who appears to them to be the perfect choice due to their inability to view the world as a man. They view the world as children and as such they view the woman of their dreams as they want her to be, not as she actually is.

When these marriages fail in spectacular and ugly ways then these older, more bitter, but still adult boys complain and moan about the injustice of it all. Perfect examples of their ilk can be found in the men’s rights communities.

And in the end what lessons do they learn from their experiences? Do they examine their own behavior and the reason that things went so badly and conclude that if perhaps they had made the effort to make men of themselves, to become a real man, then perhaps things might have gone differently for them?

Of course not. They seek to cast blame. They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and cast around for a suitable scapegoat, (which is in of itself a character trait reminiscent of women). There are a few targets that they like to blame but right at the top of the list sits marriage itself.

The upshot is that marriage has been effectively demonised by these adult boys. They point to the horrible marriage statistics and the huge numbers of broken homes and cast-out husbands. And for any young man those numbers are indeed sobering. But the numbers don’t tell the story of the broken institution of marriage; they tell the story of broken men.

I was a broken adult boy. My mother cast out my father from the family home when I was only 13 and then spent the next 5 years demonising him to my brother and me. I have written about this in detail. But when I turned 18 back in 1989 I had a choice: I could remain a victim and blame the world for my ills or I could make something of myself. I chose the latter option and my first book Pushing Rubber Downhill is the story of that journey and the obstacles that I faced.

Which is why I have no time for adult boys who only seek to whinge and moan about how hard done by they are. By their acts they remain powerless. They willingly give away their personal power so that they may luxuriate in self pity. It is behavior entirely unbecoming a man which is one of the reasons that they were never men to begin with.

Do not listen to such people. They only seek justification for their misery and abdication from the responsibility of their present circumstances.

I went from blue pill beta to red pill alpha when such terminology didn’t even exist. I slept with scores of women. I had terrible relationships where I repeatedly made hideous and awful decisions. But the one thing that I always did was to take responsibility for my lot in life. And as a consequence I slowly learnt.

I got married to my wife in 2009, one year after asking her. I asked her to marry me barely three months after meeting her. This year we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. In those 9 years we have lived in Italy, Australia, and now The Netherlands. It has been a stressful period, but not within our marriage. That has only become stronger.

I write this because it is important to have credibility on this issue. Rollo Tomassi has been married for over 20 years. He is another man who has made the same journey that I have. But if I look at my peers I know very few men who have made this journey. But of the ones who have, all of them have successful marriages.

A precondition of a successful marriage is that you have made a man of yourself.

People talk about the importance of game in marriage. Game is not important at all in marriage. But game is crucial before marriage. If you have no game and you get married then chances are that you will be divorce raped. This is because game itself helps to determine your frame in a relationship, and this frame must be in place from the very beginning. You cannot apply it retro-actively. It is possible to apply some parts of a frame to a marriage if a man becomes red pilled but not the complete picture. The movie American Beauty is about this process.

As a boy it is your responsibility to become a man, in spite of all the hurdles placed in your path. In fact, the hurdles help make the man. This responsibility is to yourself, but it is also to society. Marriage as an institution does not exist for men and women. It exists to protect and nature the children of such a union. As a man it is your responsibility to ensure that you are equipped as well as you can be in order to do your part to civilize and guide the following generation.

Marriage is very tough for men right now which means that the stakes are even higher. There is no point complaining about the decline of Western civilization if you have voluntarily opted out of the process because you find it all too hard. But perhaps this is as nature intended. After all, more than 80% of men who have ever lived have not passed on their genetic code through siring children.

And what if you do make a man of yourself, you find what you think is the right woman but you still end up divorce raped? There are no guarantees in life. If you want guarantees then join the Communist party. Men understand that and we still knowingly take the risk because that’s what men do. Adult boys unknowingly take the risk and then complain about the outcome.

 

19 thoughts on “You don’t need game in marriage.

  1. I use game in my marriage all the time. It keeps the LTR excited.

    BTW 43+ years if you count our extended dating period (8 years).

    i got the rudiments of Game in 1962 from my very first GF. I was 18.

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  2. MatrixTransform

    most women are infants and control freaks.
    Yeah, even lawyers and PhDs

    in my experience there is one that doesnt have a need to consult a Tarot Reader’ to work out whats going on in her head

    Shit tests still occur when married.

    …and dread game from both sides.

    you need game, but different game.

    Long Game.

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    1. Mr Black

      I tend to agree. Relationships are about managing the childish and irresponsible actions of the woman you are with. But if you can do it, if you have the patience for a lifetime of babying an adult from time to time, there are payoffs. It can even be rewarding.

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  3. While much of what you say in this post is true, it is in my opinion skirting dangerously close to a “MAN UP and SAVE A HO” style diatribe. You need to remember that there is always two sides to a situation, and one major item which you’re forgetting is that the higher a woman’s notch count, that is the greater the number of men who have pounded her pussy, the greater the likelihood of divorce.

    Too many women who put on the “good girl” act and are also about to hit “THE WALL”, are nothing but re-virginated whores putting on aires of chastity. If you marry one of these harpies, then you’re setting yourself up for divorce rape and life in a flop house with winos.

    The other aspect you’re missing is where are these young boys going to learn how to be a man? The education system, the media, the entertainment business, the law and even the church nowadays are all conspiring to destroy what vestiges of masculinity are left. With even the army now comtemplating allowing women to enter the elite units, the last strongholds of men are being systematically purged and ultimately destroyed.

    Look at the suicide rates for young men! Look at the declining enrollment of men in higher education! Look at the abuse and denigration of men by the courts! We as a society are staring into the abyss, and a Bronze Age style collapse that is a complete and total obliteration of civilization as we know it, is now a distinct possibility.

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    1. Mr Black

      I expect we’ll go into a period of civilizational decline when we run out of engineers and technicians who are actually experts and have to rely on those that feel good about their failures. It will get reversed eventually I think but seeing buildings fall over and utility services fail from time to time will become pretty much normal. Most people will keep a generator with food and water for a few days because the men needed to keep civilisation going won’t be there.

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    2. It has nothing at all to do with man up and save a ho. I specifically said that if you are an adult boy then you will marry exactly the wrong type of woman.

      Too many women who put on the “good girl” act and are also about to hit “THE WALL”, are nothing but re-virginated whores putting on aires of chastity. If you marry one of these harpies, then you’re setting yourself up for divorce rape and life in a flop house with winos.

      Yes, and? I said this in my post:

      If and when these adult boys enter marriage they will almost certainly be eaten alive. This is because they will have chosen a woman who is inherently unsuitable but who appears to them to be the perfect choice due to their inability to view the world as a man.

      Your other point is more valid. It is very tough to learn to be a man. But that are lots of resources out there. The first step is the desire to make a man of yourself. Once boys get through that barrier then there are many possibilities for them.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “I write this because it is important to have credibility on this issue. Rollo Tomassi has been married for over 20 years. He is another man who has made the same journey that I have. But if I look at my peers I know very few men who have made this journey. But of the ones who have, all of them have successful marriages.”

    Good point. I am in that small club as well, having been happily married for five years.

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  5. Elaine

    Adam, first I want to congratulate you on overcoming your childhood and growing up into a mature young man.
    Second, I was married to the nicest, smartest, most loving man I have ever known. When I first met him, I thought he looked like Tom Selleck. Tall, dark and handsome. He died in April of 2016. We were married 31 years and have two adult children, a daughter with some learning disabilities and a tall handsome son.
    My husband was ‘all man’. He was a mechanical engineer. If he couldn’t fix something, it didn’t need to be fixed. He was good at all of it, plumbing, electrical, computers, carpentry, etc. I was usually his helper/gopher when working on projects around the house/outside.
    He taught our son those same skills. Our son is an aerospace engineer and a Navy helicopter pilot. He was nearly too tall for the pilot program. They went to Boy Scout meetings from as soon as he could join the scouts and became an Eagle Scout. (I had to brag about both of them a little.)
    I worked full-time as an RN while they were growing up. Years ago I told Mike (my husband), I wished I had not worked full-time. I wished I had worked no more than two days a week. I also told him, I wished we had had a houseful of kids, one more girl and the rest boys. My greatest accomplishment in life was marrying Mike and having children.
    I also realized years ago how men were being persecuted just for being men. By this I mean, the divorce issue. They get dragged through the coals by a bitter woman and pay for it financially through alimony and child support. The irony is, the minute these women get divorced they are on the prowl again looking for another man.
    The worst thing (or one of the worst) that ever happened to our society is women in the workplace. I truly believe a woman’s place is in the home, keeping it safe and stable for her husband and children.
    The other problem is the infantilizing of our children. We don’t let them grow up. They don’t know how to work on a car, do yard work, get dirty. There is a commercial on where a sissy boy ask the other sissy boy what a lug wrench is, disgusting.
    Years ago (1800’s and earlier) by age 15 kids were considered adults. They were getting married, leaving home. Now, they are ‘children’ until their 20’s—well according to what is convenient, i.e., voting, drinking, guns. I always think of Annie Oakley (and others) on the gun issue. She kept food on the table at a young age by going out and shooting it. No one would’ve thought to tell her she was too young to do that.
    A good book to read is ‘Little Britches’, a true story about a boy growing up in the early 1900’s and becoming a man. Six or seven in the series, very easy reading. It’s a good series no matter your age. Wish they would make school kids read it, would be an eye opener for them.
    Sorry this is so long. I just hate to look around me and see so much decline in our society. And no, a man doesn’t need ‘game’ in marriage. The only thing they both need is to be mature adults and I don’t mean chronological age. My parents have been married 63 years, his are getting close to that.

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  6. earl

    ‘This is because game itself helps to determine your frame in a relationship, and this frame must be in place from the very beginning. You cannot apply it retro-actively.’

    Yup, frame is important from the beginning. If you don’t set the tone in the relationship, don’t complain when she sets it.

    The other part is…you have to be willing to walk away if she doesn’t want to submit to that frame (if you are not married).

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  7. Piss poor planning is the cause of most failures. For most people marriage will be the biggest business venture they will ever undertake, and make no mistake it’s mostly a business. You’ve got revenues, debt, capital expenditures, future growth, and labor considerations. Do they have a business plan? Who needs that when you have love right? Which pretty much means you’re going to end up cold, hungry, and in the dark.

    A man needs a plan. Well considered, aware of the need for contingencies, and most importantly communicated and agreed to by your future partner. You can’t come up with a plan while you’re still unsure about the idea that you might need one. Men plan, boys fly by the seat of their pants. Sure you could wing it, but I suspect in the future you will hear the phrase “this is not what I signed on for.” In that case you’re gonna need a lawyer.

    As an addendum from a previous post you had. Listen to what Owen Benjamin is saying about marriage. He’d better pray his wife is exactly who he thinks she is.

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  9. Thoughtful

    You don’t need game in marriage, but you do.

    What I mean by that is that game as a sort of scheming tactic will not work over the long haul.
    Growing up in to a man means internalizing game. You don’t pretend that you have options; you know you do. You don’t intellectually detect shit tests and apply some formula; you actually ARE in a place of amused mastery.

    So no, you don’t need game in marriage; you need to be a grown-up man, aka an alpha male. ( You don’t have to be the AMOG; you just need to have the general characteristics of an alpha male, for real. )

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  11. Wilbur Hassenfus

    À propos of the linked post about your mom,

    1. Feminism is a cult of the valorization of moderate female mental illness/personality disorders. Feminism trains women to simulate personality disorders.

    The founders of feminism were all mentally ill, moderately or dramatically. All innovators are a bit weird, but you can’t compensate for being a useless crazy bitch you can’t live with just by encouraging orthers to be useless crazy bitches nobody can live with. If they’d invented semiconductors or something like that, I could forgive the quirks. But the pathology is all you get. It’s not a byproduct in the creation of something valuable. It’s the process and the goal.

    2. One fundamental cognitive difference between women and men, I believe, is that women have a really weird and complicated relationship with reality, their (relatively shaky) perception of reality, and their need to conform to the beliefs of those around them. This is what “gaslighting” is about. What they choose to believe is instrumental in a number of ways, and the least of those is trying to determine what objective reality is.

    Men aren’t perfect either, god knows. There’s a continuum here, but it’s a bimodal distribution. Perhaps the top decile of women best tuned into objective reality are competitive in that respect with the bottom decile of men.

    And then feminism tells them to discard whatever halfassed jury rigged bullshit detectors they’ve managed to cobble together, and uncritically believe whatever best appeals to their worst instincts at any given moment.

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