Your tattoos are horrible.

A reader asks for my opinion on tattoos.

Tattoos.. what do you think of them? Is this an acceptable feature for the modern man?

In a strange coincidence I had been contemplating a post on this topic only this week. Then I forgot about it, but now surreptitious chance has pushed it screaming to the fore for your benefit.

Let’s begin with the easy part of the question: tattoos on chicks.

Tattoos on hawt chicks are like shit smeared over an old master’s canvas in a real art gallery. The analogy is however not perfect because they can wipe off the shit and clean it up. I have never seen a tattoo on a girl that looks attractive, no matter how attractive the girl in question is. One of my friends is a tattoo fan on girls, (it takes all sorts), and he regularly posts photos on Facebook of hawt chicks with tattoos.

They are all, each and every one of them, spoiled goods. A young hawt chick with tattoos looks hot because of her youth and beauty, not her tattoos.

But tattoos have a recent benefit, since they became fashionable, of helping the modern man easily identify a woman who is prone to making poor choices. They are called ‘tramp stamps’ for a reason, sweeties. Thus as much as I deplore tattoos on women, I also am thankful for them for providing such an important service.

One day these chicks will be middle aged and then they will be middle aged chicks with tattoos. Which is akin to Saturday at school – no class.

Okay, so now on to the more interesting part of the topic which is tattoos on the modern man. It is important to note that the modern man is not a joiner, and nor is he a follower. The modern man also understands that something that is fashionable now will by its very definition not be fashionable at some point in the future. He also notes the permanent nature of tattoos, puts two and two together, and goes and has a nice glass of whiskey while his idiot peers run off and get tattoos.

The explosion in popularity of tattoos is directly linked to the incredible rise of narcissism in modern society. It is interesting to observe that the trend is becoming one of covering ones entire body from head to foot in ink, whereas before it would have been restricted to a few Dolphins on an ankle. As the total amount of individual skin available for tattooing is limited it is hard to see just where the next step on the narcissism train will lead.

In any case, modern tattoos are less about design, art and individuality as opposed to a gigantic dose of ‘look at me!’ This is beta behavior in a nutshell. The modern man is well aware that he lives in a society and that how he dresses and presents himself is extremely important.

A man is a member of a tribe. You may believe that it does not matter how you dress, but it does. You may think that people should not judge by appearances, but they do. You might well consider yourself to be special and above the hierarchies of social status, but you are not.

Tattoos are anathema to this ideal. Your tattoos do not define who you are but your proclivity to tattoo yourself does. As with women, ultimately a man who tattoos himself is a man who makes poor long term decisions and who is inconsiderate of those around him.

The modern man does not get tattooed.

18 thoughts on “Your tattoos are horrible.

  1. JohnR

    Couldn’t agree more. Twenty years ago the tattoo was rebellious. So rebellious, in fact, that tattoo artists in Australia would refuse to give them to women – because the women would only change their minds a year later and go through the nastiness of having them removed.
    Suddenly though, and likely briefly, it’s utterly conformist.
    Give it just another twenty years and the withered image will be an object of sagging shame.
    Rebellion, conformity, shame. Fashion fast tracked.

    Like

      1. If you’ve kept your family name you are a joiner. Clan, tribe or family signifiers have always been part of human existence. The difference with tattooing today is that people are doing it because they want to prove their non-allegiance to everything.

        Like

  2. Remy

    Good post. Tatts are horrible. I would never get one. I will point out one minor point of disagreement however, regarding this:

    “But tattoos have a recent benefit, since they became fashionable, of helping the modern man easily identify a woman who is prone to making poor choices. They are called ‘tramp stamps’ for a reason, sweeties. Thus as much as I deplore tattoos on women, I also am thankful for them for providing such an important service.”

    Sir, nearly every single woman has a tattoo, and yes, that includes the ‘good’ ones as well. This statement would’ve been accurate in 1997, but not today. Also, finding the one un-tattooed woman among the legions of defiled will help you as much as it helps that one dude in the ghetto that actually maintain his property.

    Other than that, nice post.

    Like

    1. fatfingers

      I’m with the author. I tell my sons that the tatts and face piercings are markings of girls that you don’t want to date. Plenty of women don’t have tatts.

      Instead of shit on a masterpiece I always viewed it as spray-painted graffiti on a masterpiece.

      Like

  3. Vlad

    Came back from Peace Corps service Micronesia with leg tattoos -dolphin clan symbols. Got many a stare in 1972. Today virtually none. The Church was right-I was wrong. Not a huge mistake but a youthful indiscretion to be sure- poor long term planning.

    Like

  4. David Lucas

    While I wholeheartedly agree with you, and presently have no tattoos or plans to acquire any; however, if I should get past my 80th year, I may get a moderately sized “DNR” upon the left side of my chest. The ultimate “Living Will” as it were.

    Like

  5. Being a seaman of 30 years “before the mast”, (and counting), I have only one tat, and it is from my days in the Marines.

    Back in the day, many if not most seamen were illiterates. This in no way implies that they were necessarily stupid, just that reading and writing were skills that they had never been taught.
    As such, the written word didn’t MEAN that much to them…and so neither did the resume.

    But, there was a certain code and loose rules for tattoos. If you had crossed the Equator, you were a “Shellback”, and you got a certain tattoo to commemorate it,(if you didn’t have the flogging scars on your back as mementos of the voyage).

    If you transited the Suez, you got another tattoo, same went for Panama. When you crossed the International Dateline, another.

    After a few years at sea, you could read a man’s resume by the ink he had on his body, if you knew what you were looking at.

    Tattoos came ashore with the postwar motorcycle clubs/gangs in California, many of which drew their cadre from Navy veterans of the Pacific Fleet, and from there it suffused through out “Biker culture”.

    Now, it is the domain of posers and wannabes.
    The heavily tattooed dude on a Harley Sportster may be a highly-regarded insurance salesman and vice-chairman of the local Rotarians chapter from Monday to Friday.

    So, yeah.. When Middle-Aged “Squares” Joe and/or Jane Suburbia start getting inked, along with their matriculated spoil-spawn, and tattoo parlors are featured on Reality TV shows…well..

    “Fonzie jumped the shark! FONZIE JUMPED THE SHARK!”

    Like

  6. TechieDude

    “…how he dresses and presents himself is extremely important.”

    This cannot be said more times, and loudly. I may add that skin is living tissue. So what looks good now will just be a blurry smudge in 20 years time. I’ve seen it again and again – ancient dude with old ink, zero detail left. Guy I knew had a SEAL tattoo. By the time he was 50 it looked like a green bruise. On a woman, aging ink will look horrible. Especially on areas that get fat, then skinny.

    But how a man is dressed is super important. I was up in Montreal last week and never seen such man-boy dress in my life, other than my last trip to Hollywood. Those close cut, tight fitting suits look good on about three people. All the others look like mommy bought them a suit when they were three and are still somehow wearing it. If they weren’t customers, I’d have gone up to one such hipster douche and pointed to his boss – “See that guys suit? That’s how you should be dressing.”

    At one office a clear beta was wearing tight taper jeans, with a tight cut suit jacket and shirt (the fabric of which clashed with his pants. On his feet? A shitty pair of sneakers.

    It wasn’t the look of a man. It was the look of a boy that was told to wear a suit jacket.

    Like

  7. Noah Bawdy

    I find tats on a woman to be an instant turn off.
    As for the tramp stamp benefit, it helps identify women most like to have an STD.

    Like

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  9. Andy in FL

    Hey Quartermaster, I was a QM– “charts,” “quarter-gasket”– from ’81 to ’01. When I got out of boot camp I intended to get a tattoo as lots of swabs were doing. I simply thought a tat would look cool. I went into several tattoo parlors but never saw a tat that I just had to have. After a couple years I lost interest and never did get one. Also, there were issues with disease from dirty tat needles, especially in places like Hong Kong and PI. Apparently my indecision and fear of disease saved me. Now I can pretend I was an alpha all along.

    Like

  10. I spent 21 years in the Navy, I’m a biker, I was raised on a farm and consider myself a bona fide redneck.

    I don’t have a single tattoo. Why? Because everyone around me my whole life has had tats. Why the heck would I want to be like everyone else?

    Now I’m more happy than ever that I never got one. The thought of any tats I might have being misconstrued as an effort to be “trendy” makes me nauseous .

    Like

  11. Andy in FL

    but but but, Sailorcurt, doesn’t being a self-identified farm boy, redneck biker make you just a tad bit trendy and conformist? just asking, brah.

    Like

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