The definition of hypergamy.

A comment that I received the other week on my post titled, “Men are attracted to youth and beauty, not careers and power,” from someone named Bob Sykes.

“Hypergamy” means specifically having multiple sexual partners, and it has nothing to do with “marrying up.” Confucius wrote something about the importance of rectifying the names.

I don’t know if this is a deliberate attempt at misdirection or just a complete misunderstanding of the term. So to avoid any confusion it may be helpful to provide an explanation of what this important term actually means.

Bob is wrong, but he’s also a little bit right. He’s wrong that hypergamy involves the number of sexual partners a woman has had. That’s simply her slut factor. But he’s in the ballpark when he says that it has nothing to do with marrying up. Before you all start yelling, marrying up is connected to hypergamy, it is a result of hypergamy, but it is not hypergamy itself.

The best definition of hypergamy that I have found comes from Keoni:

Hypergamy simply means women’s base sexual nature is attracted to a higher status in relation to herself. In other words, if she does not “look up” to a man in some way, she will not be attracted to that man.

So what are the primary factors that determine a man’s status relative to women? For that, let us turn to Rollo with a timely article that he wrote this week titled, The myth of the alpha female.

In men, affluence, status, intelligence, improvisation, creativity, ambition, drive, perseverance, humor, positive-conventional masculinity, and many more aspects make this man an attractive choice for a long term relationship with women. These are attributes that contribute to a man’s sexual market value, but they are incomplete without a raw, visceral physical component.

It is critical for men to understand that women are after the prize, and that it is men who are the prize, not women. Men who are unskilled and unsuccessful with women operate from the assumption that women are the prize. As such they put her on a pedestal. This behavior is doomed to failure because women are operating on a rapidly ticking clock. The ticking sound signals the horror of the approaching wall. Thus they need to use their youth and beauty to nail down a prize for themselves while there is still time.

Women have the short term advantage but men have the long term advantage. When you’re a young man and desperate to nail down all of these beautiful babes but you’re mostly getting nowhere, understand that you’re not in the picture because of whom you’re competing with. Remember, men make themselves. Guys who are 20 years older and wiser than you have spent that time investing in their status through making a man of themselves. Young guys in general do not have this.

A woman’s propensity to marry up is based on her desire to secure the highest status mate possible in relation to herself. Just as men are tempted for the quick and easy lay, women are also tempted by the higher status man. Some people act on their exposure to temptation, others manage to resist.

As Keoni notes it is important to keep in mind that hypergamy is not a positive trait, and neither is it a negative one; it simply is what it is. This is how women function. It is what drives them. As a man in a long term and committed relationship, you can never relax. Men always need to continue working on themselves. The wolf is always at the door. The time for rest is when we’re dead.

Unfortunately in our modern feminized society, women are not just rewarded for following their hypergamous desires; they are actively encouraged to do so. In the past our society constrained women’s impulses in this manner. But any suggestion today that perhaps women would be better off following the old books as regards to marital happiness and the harpies go batshit crazy.

The best thing that the modern man can do is to work very hard on making a man of himself while he keeps suitable women at arm’s length within his orbit. Never make a woman your mission; her hypergamous instincts will cause her to eventually crush you.

 

15 thoughts on “The definition of hypergamy.

  1. adrian dale

    Farkin ell you’ve been writing some crackers lately AP. The following:

    “It is critical for men to understand that women are after the prize, and that it is men who are the prize, not women. Men who are unskilled and unsuccessful with women operate from the assumption that women are the prize.”

    Secretly, women know this.

    “The best thing that the modern man can do is to work very hard on making a man of himself while he keeps suitable women at arm’s length within his orbit. Never make a woman your mission; her hypergamous instincts will cause her to eventually crush you.”

    This ^

    Good stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. tom chisholm

    from Devlin’s Sexual Utopia in Power –
    It would be more accurate to say that the female sexual instinct is hypergamous. Men may have a tendency to seek sexual variety, but women have simple tastes in the manner of Oscar Wilde: They are always satisfied with the best.
    …Snip,..
    Hypergamy is not monogamy in the human sense. Although there may be only one “alpha male” at the top of the pack at any given time, which one it is changes over time. In human terms, this means the female is fickle, infatuated with no more than one man at any given time, but not naturally loyal to a husband over the course of a lifetime.

    Like

  4. Jan Smith

    Adam, wanting a man with assets and staying power is not just some wierd female thing. It’s strategy, so her children, ie little Adam, grow up well provided for and protected friom predators.
    What are you complaing about?
    Dont you have a grandmother to explain these things to you?

    Like

  5. TechieDude

    If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
    Never make a pretty woman your wife
    So for my personal point of view
    Get an ugly girl to marry you

    A pretty woman makes her husband look small
    And very often causes his downfall
    As soon as he marries her then she starts
    To do the things that will break his heart

    But if you make an ugly woman your wife
    You’ll be happy for the rest of your life
    An ugly woman cooks meals on time
    She’ll always give you peace of mind

    Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
    Go ahead and marry anyway
    Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match
    Take it from me, she’s a better catch

    If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
    Never make a pretty woman your wife
    So for my personal point of view
    Get an ugly girl to marry you

    Jimmy Soul – https://youtu.be/Y1ZJiBHh-Yw

    Like

  6. Old Codger

    Jan Smiith, your point is what? The article states that exactly! assets and staying power are the prize women compete for while they’ve still got it: youth beauty and a certain “tightness”. All of those properties disappear rather quickly when a woman hits the wall. Her biological clock runs against the looming “wall” rather than the loss or rotting of her eggs.

    Men on the other hand can keep improving until they die, that’s their mission, if they get it! Too many men don’t !

    Like

  7. earl

    ‘Men who are unskilled and unsuccessful with women operate from the assumption that women are the prize.’

    Men should have the mindset that God is the prize.

    That’s why Jesus compared the Kingdom of Heaven to a great treasure hidden in a field or finding a pearl of great price.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Allen

    The only thing I can see is that people are equating mate selection and pair bonding. This would be a mistake. Hypergamy in women is nothing more than how she selects a mate and men have a different selection criteria. Pair bonding is the propensity a man or a woman has towards monogamy. Pair bonding varies significantly in humans from a lifelong pair bond, to watch out pal she’s got her walking shoes on. Pair bonding may not fixed in time for some, both male and female. Mate selection must usually be maintained.

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  9. Sjonnar

    You’re wrong when you say that hypergamy has nothing to do with marrying up, Adam. That is its literal meaning. From the Greek; hyper – meaning above, and gamos – meaning marriage.

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    1. Sjonnar

      Actually, I fucked that up. Super means above. Hyper means greater than. Still the same concept being expressed, though. A woman instinctively seeks prospective mates whose station, social status, or SMV are greater than her own.

      Like

    2. Marrying up is a consequence of hypergamy but it isn’t what hypergamy is. Hypergamy is the emotional drive for security which pushes a woman to make such a decision.

      Like

  10. Eric

    I think I’m gonna go with the response of the Disciples to the question of divorce for this, too: “The disciples said to Him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.'”

    Like

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