A comment that I received the other week on my post titled, “Men are attracted to youth and beauty, not careers and power,” from someone named Bob Sykes.
“Hypergamy” means specifically having multiple sexual partners, and it has nothing to do with “marrying up.” Confucius wrote something about the importance of rectifying the names.
I don’t know if this is a deliberate attempt at misdirection or just a complete misunderstanding of the term. So to avoid any confusion it may be helpful to provide an explanation of what this important term actually means.
Bob is wrong, but he’s also a little bit right. He’s wrong that hypergamy involves the number of sexual partners a woman has had. That’s simply her slut factor. But he’s in the ballpark when he says that it has nothing to do with marrying up. Before you all start yelling, marrying up is connected to hypergamy, it is a result of hypergamy, but it is not hypergamy itself.
The best definition of hypergamy that I have found comes from Keoni:
Hypergamy simply means women’s base sexual nature is attracted to a higher status in relation to herself. In other words, if she does not “look up” to a man in some way, she will not be attracted to that man.
So what are the primary factors that determine a man’s status relative to women? For that, let us turn to Rollo with a timely article that he wrote this week titled, The myth of the alpha female.
In men, affluence, status, intelligence, improvisation, creativity, ambition, drive, perseverance, humor, positive-conventional masculinity, and many more aspects make this man an attractive choice for a long term relationship with women. These are attributes that contribute to a man’s sexual market value, but they are incomplete without a raw, visceral physical component.
It is critical for men to understand that women are after the prize, and that it is men who are the prize, not women. Men who are unskilled and unsuccessful with women operate from the assumption that women are the prize. As such they put her on a pedestal. This behavior is doomed to failure because women are operating on a rapidly ticking clock. The ticking sound signals the horror of the approaching wall. Thus they need to use their youth and beauty to nail down a prize for themselves while there is still time.
Women have the short term advantage but men have the long term advantage. When you’re a young man and desperate to nail down all of these beautiful babes but you’re mostly getting nowhere, understand that you’re not in the picture because of whom you’re competing with. Remember, men make themselves. Guys who are 20 years older and wiser than you have spent that time investing in their status through making a man of themselves. Young guys in general do not have this.
A woman’s propensity to marry up is based on her desire to secure the highest status mate possible in relation to herself. Just as men are tempted for the quick and easy lay, women are also tempted by the higher status man. Some people act on their exposure to temptation, others manage to resist.
As Keoni notes it is important to keep in mind that hypergamy is not a positive trait, and neither is it a negative one; it simply is what it is. This is how women function. It is what drives them. As a man in a long term and committed relationship, you can never relax. Men always need to continue working on themselves. The wolf is always at the door. The time for rest is when we’re dead.
Unfortunately in our modern feminized society, women are not just rewarded for following their hypergamous desires; they are actively encouraged to do so. In the past our society constrained women’s impulses in this manner. But any suggestion today that perhaps women would be better off following the old books as regards to marital happiness and the harpies go batshit crazy.
The best thing that the modern man can do is to work very hard on making a man of himself while he keeps suitable women at arm’s length within his orbit. Never make a woman your mission; her hypergamous instincts will cause her to eventually crush you.