I don’t do photos. I don’t take photos and I don’t voluntarily pose for photos. I fucking hate photos to be perfectly frank. One of the very first posts I wrote on this blog was that I don’t travel with a camera. With so many people taking photos, if I want a photo then I’ll just grab one that someone else took.
The best photos are not contrived. A snapshot of a scene where nobody knows that they are being photographed. The image that I chose for my internet avatar is a vague long shot of me in a raft. It represents me but without the close-ups.
Don’t get me wrong; I photograph well and I’m fairly good looking. It’s not about some sort of angst at having a bad photo taken of me. I just find the entire idea of posing for a photo to be ludicrous, and that was my attitude before the age of social media.
If I absolutely have to pose for a photo then I’ll ham it up, no way am I going to take it seriously. Something along the lines of raising my arms and weakly flexing my biceps while gazing blankly off to the side in a pose reminiscent of Austin Powers not giving a shit. This routinely annoys people who take photo posing seriously, which makes it even more worthwhile.
This was my standard pose when I was a rafting guide and I had to take a group photo with my punters. Stick myself in front of them and stare off to the side whilst extending a leg behind me and poking a finger in my ear. The photographers loved me because my group shots always sold in large numbers.
I most certainly do not do couples photos. About the only photos that I have of me and the Good Wife were taken on our wedding day, and even that was a last minute event. We more or less eloped with four witnesses to Edinburgh so no photographer was organised, which was entirely in keeping with my history with photography. I’d have been more likely to personally organise flowers than to book some twit who would have spent the day sticking a camera in my face. One of the Good Wife’s witnesses had thought ahead and brought along her camera, so that kinda worked out okay.
Rollo has an article about body language as it pertains to photos. I found it interesting and informative, and yet slightly alien. I don’t really understand this couple posing photo existence. I understand the analysis of what is going on, but I would no more pose for a photo like this than pick up a hitch-hiker holding a sign saying, “mostly harmless.”
The Good Wife has the same attitude towards photos as I do. She even goes further in some regards. A while ago she removed every photo of us on Facebook that other people had put up and captioned with our names. This was after an online magazine ran an article about me and grabbed a photo of us off Facebook for their story. They were free to do that because Facebook is public property, but the Good Wife immediately took steps to ensure that such a scenario could never occur again.
In today’s social media age an excellent litmus test for the suitability of a potential mate is to observe her attitude towards photos. A photo attention whore who plasters her every movement on social media is one to most certainly avoid. I understand that this probably narrows the field down to not very many at all, but better to be alone and safe than together and sorry.
As for selfies I have never taken one in my life, I have never participated in one, and the day that I do so is the day that I hand in my man card. At the conclusion of an article on photos I feel that the only thing to do is to include a photo of the type that I find acceptable.