Regular readers of this blog, (all 27.3 of you), will know that your humble host has been having some personal difficulties of late.
Yesterday these issues came to a head when I arrived home after a shitty session at the gym to discover that the wife had packed her stuff into the car as a prelude to leaving.
At least she had the grace to hang around to inform me of the decision.
Truth be told I’ve been expecting this for a couple of weeks now. It’s not much fun to drive home each day after work while wondering if your wife will still be there when you get home.
So why after 10 years together did she up and leave?
Men are rational in their behavior while women rationalize their behavior. In our modern society there are no incentives for women to stay in a relationship if it doesn’t completely suit her any more and no consequences for her if she pulls the pin and leaves.
It’s very tempting and all too easy in moments like these to convince yourself that you are a victim. But the truth is that I failed to keep her. And the truth hurts. In the first 9 years of our relationship she was dependent on me more than I was on her. There were a few reasons for that but primarily it was down to the fact that she was in my worlds; Italy and then Australia.
But the move to Holland last year reversed that position. And our marriage wasn’t able to withstand it. It’s very interesting because for the entire time that I have known her she has consistently demonstrated by her behavior to be the most unselfish person that I have ever known. But yet she has just made one of the most solipsistic decisions a person can make. She has jettisoned a life-long commitment for the simple reason that it doesn’t suit her any more.
None of us are immune to the variances and randomness of the world. And the collapse of the societal structure underpinning marriage and the family unit has made men’s positions simply untenable in this respect. We are all, each and every one of us, on borrowed time.
The question now is what to do. I do not know if my future will be in Holland. I have no support network here, which is not good for me either in the short or the long term. I must make my next move very carefully indeed.
Blogging may be light in the foreseeable future. On the other end it may be abundant. It’s not like I have anything else to do.