One of the most important abilities that you need to possess and actively utilize is the ability to put aside your ego and carefully scrutinize your past attitudes and opinions that have turned out to be wrong or inaccurate. The other option is to double down and this is the most common reaction. Doubling down is so tempting because it doesn’t require any thought or introspection. So it’s easy in the short term but self destructive in the long term.
As I have said in the banner page on my beliefs and opinions;
… as an adult I reserve the right to alter or change the following positions based on new and relevant information as it comes to hand. Contrary to what many of you may think, it is not a sign of weakness to act in this way.
The act of weakness is to double down. So with this in mind, let’s turn to an article that I wrote in March this year titled, You don’t need game in marriage.
I got married to my wife in 2009, one year after asking her. I asked her to marry me barely three months after meeting her. This year we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. In those 9 years we have lived in Italy, Australia, and now The Netherlands. It has been a stressful period, but not within our marriage. That has only become stronger.
This is where I became complacent in my marriage, which is ironic considering the subject matter at the time. Not coincidentally, looking back this is also right around when we did begin to have problems in the marriage.
Dragging out a quote like this into the brutal harsh light of my impending divorce is exactly why doubling down is the preferred option for most people, which in my case would be stupid because I would rightly be torn to shreds. And yet doubling down still happens most of the time even though it is so stupid.
People talk about the importance of game in marriage. Game is not important at all in marriage. But game is crucial before marriage. If you have no game and you get married then chances are that you will be divorce raped. This is because game itself helps to determine your frame in a relationship, and this frame must be in place from the very beginning. You cannot apply it retro-actively. It is possible to apply some parts of a frame to a marriage if a man becomes red pilled but not the complete picture.
Yep, I was wrong. Horribly wrong. Arrogantly wrong. My incorrect assumption was that once you have frame then you’ll always have frame. Not so, grasshopper. You can lose frame in a moment. In my case it was a plane ride. So you need to actively keep your frame which means you will at times need to utilize game. Entire article debunked. But let us keep going to make this painful process really worthwhile.
As a boy it is your responsibility to become a man, in spite of all the hurdles placed in your path. In fact, the hurdles help make the man. This responsibility is to yourself, but it is also to society. Marriage as an institution does not exist for men and women. It exists to protect and nature the children of such a union.
Looking back, how I could blindly write this while my wife and I did not have children is incredible to me. Because the quote is correct; marriage does exist for the benefit of children. But I must have thought that I was one of those special and unique sunflowers because my mommy and daddy told me so.
And what if you do make a man of yourself, you find what you think is the right woman but you still end up divorce raped? There are no guarantees in life.
Irony stick, meet Adam’s face. Adam’s face, say hello to irony stick. Pleased to meet you, I’ll have another 27 smacks about the head, thanks.
What conclusions do I have on the topic of marriage? None as yet, they’ll have to wait until I’ve had more time to process what’s happened. This post is about the real importance of never doubling down. You have to own it.
Consider myself owned.