On October 31, 2018
The one where I give a brief run down of the marriage ending events of the past week. And I discuss the most important quality to look for in a woman – loyalty.
Last thing you should be doing is thinking about birds. I reckon you’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself. In my opinion a part of that may be community service. Get involved with a local sports club, church, or association. Very quickly, I’d think you’ll find that despite your predicament, you’re doing pretty well compared to the average punter. This website is certainly a contribution, but I don’t think it’s a substitute for being a part of a physical community.
I’ve noticed that girls can only really serve once source of authority. I also have the tenancy to chase and catch intelligent girls; doctors, engineers etc. Each one of them, it seems, treated their employer as the husband figure of old; their source of financial security, social acceptance and personal validation. I had one, the engineer, declare in all confidence that her employer would stick with her through thick and thin, sickness and health. It sounded a lot like a wedding vow.
She could not comprehend my stating that as soon as it was not in the company’s interest to employ her, she would be made redundant. She didn’t believe me until a few weeks later when one of her long time colleagues was let go. I don’t really think she learnt anything from the experience, though. Girls just aren’t designed to deal with reality for what it is. When objective reality doesn’t suit their world view, they create their own.
It’s not entirely their fault, mind you. Women and people at large have been sold a lie that “careers” are a thing, and that they’re worth chasing. Most people work jobs, and once they’ve gone beyond use, they’re discarded. But I think this is really too much for the average chick to digest. They believe in earnest that their career is (1) important and that (2) it will make a world a better place, and (3) it will make them happy. Neither of these are true, as employment is a fickle basis of meaning, their efforts can not bring about utopia, and their natural state is wanting.
Case in point, consider the lonely character of old Margaret Thatcher in the Iron Lady. After a long and successful career, what really mattered to her later in life was the companionship she shared with her husband. Take this quote from The Downing Street Years: “Being Prime Minister is a lonely job. In a sense, it ought to be: you cannot lead from the crowd. But with Denis there I was never alone. What a man. What a husband. What a friend.” If that is not a strong argument for making a husband the priority in your life, I don’t know what is.
Finally, some nit picks. Your writing is concise but you do tend to verbal diarrhea in audio. Work on learning to STFU a little. Referring to your wife as the good wife seems to me as some sort of pedestalisation, like an alternative to calling her the better half. I understand that this label encapsulates her character on this blog, but if you ever did that in front of her, or any woman for that matter, it ultimately leads to contempt. Cut that shit out.
Before you start berating me for behavior for which I do not exhibit, maybe first find out if your assumptions are correct. The term is exactly as you stated; a label for this blog.
Something to cheer you up…..
If you are interested in a really good, powerful, rugged, dependable, and highly reliable laptop – my last 3 laptops have all been Lenovo ThinkPad T-series models. I used Dell laptops before that, but those things fall apart within 15 months. By contrast, both of my two previous T-series laptops lasted 4 years each, without a single problem, hardware malfunction, issue, or even key falling off the pad.
ThinkPad + Linux Mint + simple BlueTooth mouse + USB HDD = power, performance, and independence.
I’d second the thinkpads. I’ve had them, nearly exclusively, for twenty years or so. Maybe more. Mine have endured some really bad punishment. I had one that flew out of my backpack when I picked it up out of the truck, that landed on the corner of the screen.
Just a nick on the corner. Screen, everything else OK.
Cool, thanks for the tip, I’ll check it out.
Great to hear from you – you sound good!
“Made me an offer I can’t refuse” – Adam, a LOTTO win. After being off work a long time, what really helped me was the the unfeigned pleasure of my colleagues at seeing me back and the support of my boss and his boss. If your employer has err..plans for you then this will go an enormous way in helping you to recover.
Maybe riding bikes with Aaron in the US West? It don’t get no better.
Loyalty is huge. Funny, I’ve never had to think of that. But it’s sad the career takes precedence. And pulling the pin is an apt analogy. There is no going back, ever.
I’ve seen dudes take the x back after a few years, and it’s always ended in ruin. The old lady comes back, more cunning than before. When the next whammy hits, it’s even worse.
Loyalty and trust go hand in hand. Sad stuff. I used to work in a global consulting firm with these types. Still fit, older, looked like they were hot at one point and jaded/bitter as can be.
The financial stuff you talked about made me laugh. My wife does that for us. Then again, she does it all day, every day. So I see it like me asking her to fix the house. Funny story – my best friend’s dad was an old new englander. Grew up poor, made it to the army where he retired reasonably high on the food chain, then went for career #2. Tough old dude you rarely see much any more.
I was bragging about not having to deal with any of the financial matters. He looks at me like I lost my mind and said, you better take control of that. And quickly. I thought he was joking.
Never seen a man so serious in my life. I was blessed to grow up around 3-4 of these kind of guys.
Yeah, you can never go back. I instinctively knew that from a young age. Once she says it’s over, fine; fuck off then.
I think the worst I’ve seen is a dude that is distantly related to me. I won’t say how.
He used to live here, and when I’d travel here from my last city, I’d take him out to dinner. He was married to a gawdawful shrew. Wifed her up, and adopted her kid (who grew up to be an ingrate, carbon copy of the mother). She’d never come out with us. Didn’t understand it. The company was paying. Once we went back to his place and she started in on him. Poor slob just sunk into the couch. He finally had his fill and cut her loose.
So he then dips into the no-go zone of the crazy matrix. She was reasonably hot for her age, but something was off. And, she had two kids. When it hit, it was far, far worse than what you went through. She scrammed with her kids, and his credit cards and bank accounts. Ran up a fuck-ton of debt. So that was the end of that.
A year or so later, he took her back. Talk about gob-smacked. This is a good looking, successful professional guy. That was a mistake, and I’m certain his sisters said so.
True to form, she tries it again. Fleeing, hoping to fleece him. Didn’t work that time. She did some really evil shit in the ensuing battle. Personally, I’d have shot her. I almost offered at one point.
It turned out well in the end. The divorce court judge hammered her. She had to pay damages from what I recall, and got zero. He ended up with a nicer woman.
So, sucks, but you probably got off easy. Then again, you aren’t at the divvying up point with the courts yet.
Did/Do you want to have children?
If so your 38 year old career focused wife leaving you is a good thing.
Also if you want to analyze where exactly you lost frame, you should ask yourself why you were willing to sacrifice your ability to have children, in order that your wife could continue her career into her late 30s.
I think it’s virtually impossible to find loyalty in women for a reason you don’t really touch on: female in-group bias/preference.
It’s a massive blind-spot of women. I don’t even understand why. It’s obvious to see that most women hate most other women… (I think this has bio-sociological reasons, but I digress)…
WHY do women always listen to the advice of other women?
(Most) Women will defend and protect each other till kingdom come. Do not be surprised if there was another miserable witch of a woman in the background encouraging your ex-wife to file for divorce.
Misery loves company as they say.
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