An article by P.J. O’Rourke on his late friend John Hughes and his classic 80s teen film, The Breakfast Club.

Like all of John’s movies, The Breakfast Club is conservative. Note that the first thing the disgruntled kids in detention do is not organize a protest, not express “class (of 1985) solidarity,” not chant “Students of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your locker combinations” and not claim it takes a Shermer to raise them.

They present themselves, like good conservatives do, as individuals and place the highest value, like this conservative does, on goofing off. Otherwise known as individual liberty.

That’s point 1.

Imagine, painfully, a 2015 remake of The Breakfast Club. Latino-American, African-American, Islamic-American, Born-Again Christian, Undocumented Alien, Feminist, Post-Feminist, Occupy Activist, Tea Party Member, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender… To cover all the bases of Identity Politics, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Anthony Michael Hall would have had to double- and triple-up. And wear some strange cosmetics.

Unfortunately I fully expect this exact remake to occur in the near future, only this time the gender roles will be reversed. The jock and the rebel will both be girls which will enable one of them to lead the charge through the school hallways while flinging aside any misguided attempts by the boys to protect and lead, while the prom queen and the weirdo will be played by boys. The nerd will obviously be a transsexual. The only one to remain a conservative will be the teacher which will allow for a suitable outpouring of bash the right. The janitor will be Islamic and will stop the only white boy in the group, the weirdo, from taking out a gun and shooting everyone.

John kept his characters alike as possible, within the spectrum of high school anthropology, in order to make them as different as possible, within the spectrum of individuals. All five members of the Breakfast Club have Anglo-Saxon last names. All are attractive. They could be related (and John would have known) if five bland WASPy sisters had married two brunettes, two blonds and a redhead of varying abilities and intellects.

This is correct in its observation but the motivation is flawed. Hughes selected characters that adequately represented the middle class America of the time. Five Anglo-Saxon kids was the norm back then and anything else would have been jarring and unrealistic, and would have detracted from the overall message of the film.

The same cast complexions today would sadly be jarring and unrealistic for obvious reasons. The only way that the film could be made that way would be if it were set in an elite school of the globalist enclave, but even then they’d still need the token black kid among all the Jews.

There’s nothing revolutionary about The Breakfast Club.

That may have been the case 30 years ago but it is not just revolutionary today, it’s positively heretical. Catch it before it’s memory-holed as being bad thought for bad people. Above else one must never be allowed to know what middle class America was actually like before the great social unraveling began.

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