My weakness has always been girls. No other vice that exists has ever had power over me. But women have been my enduring weakness. It’s important to know your weaknesses so that you can guard against them. Know yourself and all that. So women are mine. I suppose it has to do with my appreciation of beautiful things. That and probably some leftover shit from my crappy childhood and a feminist mother. But hey, I’m not complaining nor seeking attention. I’m just stating a fact.
Cappy had a nice video out this week. It’s called ‘Don’t be her insurance policy’ and it is pertinent.
The line that I most liked was the following:
Deriving all your value from a girl.
I used to do this. Then I made a man of myself. Became an international rafting guide and slept with loads of chicks while having adventures around the world. Cool huh?
It didn’t matter and nothing changed. I still fell into old patterns and I continued to derive value from girls. If girls wanted me and slept with me then I was good. If they did not sleep with me then I was inadequate. This was the pattern. It was deeply ingrained. It’s a hell of a roller coaster because your happiness and self worth is dependent on outside influences over which you have no control. You can be a famous rock star and it doesn’t count for shit in the face of such behavior patterns. Plenty of huge bands have broken up this way.
My divorce broke this pattern because I had got to a point where I had no other option but to learn the required lesson. Remember, we are on this earth to learn lessons and you will learn them one way or another even if you have to be dragged there kicking and screaming. You know the way that you look at that friend who always makes the same fuck up that you never make and you can’t understand for the life of you why he can’t just get his shit together in that area of his life?
Yeah, that’s his lesson. And he looks at you exactly the same way as you exhibit the same behavior with whatever lesson you’re avoiding and which for him is a non-entity.
It’s been eight months since my divorce and I haven’t even come close to sleeping with a woman. I have purposely avoided every situation where such an outcome might eventuate. The refreshing thing is that this has not been difficult. It seems to me that I am coming close to resolving this negative behavior pattern, this tendency to derive value from a girl.
I derived value from my wife in many ways. This is perfectly fine unless you are dependent on it for your own self worth. For me it was a mix and perhaps this contributed to the demise of the relationship. All I know is that every time that I think that I’m there and that I get comfortable, the rug gets pulled from under me.
Boys, we’re not supposed to get comfortable. You can never truly relax your guard. That is what it means to be a man. We are always on the precipice, the difference is in the knowing. Accept this and move forward. You won’t be happier but we’re not here to be happy. Happiness is for the deluded and the mad. We’re here to grind it out one day at a time. I’m just giving you the truth, just the facts, ma’am. And when you think about it, when you really think about it and ponder the alternatives, why would you want it any other way? That’s the real beauty that underpins everything.