A young man writes to Cappy about his life. He is despondent because his girlfriend left him for another guy. For the second time. As you would expect, Cappy goes to town on him. I particularly liked the long, drawn out sigh just a few seconds into the video.

On the one hand this young man shouldn’t have to pay someone like Cappy to tell him what he needs to know as the answers are all there on the internet and if he is familiar with Cappy then he must also be familiar with the manosphere. But denial leaves us prone to not being able to sort out our own problems due to its very nature; we put on the blinkers and we filter out the information that makes us feel uncomfortable. Which is why you sometimes need a third party such as Cappy to give you a good dose of reality.

One particular line that I liked from the video forms the title to this piece. The act of deriving your value from a girl is hopeless in so many different and excruciating ways. And it is far more common among men than we would care to admit. Yes, many of us in the manosphere may have seemingly solved these problems long ago, but there are many more men out there who still fall into this trap. Particularly young men.

I was talking to a young guy the other day and this subject came up. He is 24, good looking, and I thought reasonably well adjusted for his age. As it turns out he is one of the poor sods who derive all their value from girls. I know this because he admitted it to me about 15 minutes into our conversation. Perhaps I should consider joining the priesthood. Or even the police force. Guys just seem to love pouring out their intimate details to me for some reason.

I gave him a dose of Cappy-style tough love. I didn’t even beat around the bush; I just lined up the artillery and let it all fly. Because he took the first round so well I simply raised the intensity and gave him all that I had. The major problem with deriving your value from girls is that you relinquish all of your personal power to an outside force. Your sense of self worth will be entirely dependent on the mood swings and human variances of the individual to whom you have given this power.

This is why it’s so important to take responsibility for everything about your life because by doing so you give yourself agency. If you are responsible for every aspect of your life then that means that you also have the potential power to affect change in your life. But if you offload the responsibility for who, where and what you are then you also abdicate any personal power. This is why blame is a terrible trap to fall into. You do not want to be a victim because victims have no rights or responsibilities.

But even worse than offloading your personal power onto an outside agency is the act of giving it to a woman, because women are the most unstable and emotionally driven creatures on the planet. And that is not an exaggeration. Deriving your value as a man from a girl is just about the number one worst thing that you can do, but even more so when you consider that we currently live in a feminized world. If you do this then you are entering a world of guaranteed pain.

As men we must make our mission the core of who we are. This is very old hat to regular readers of the manosphere but it needs to be repeated because it underpins every successful man in the world. And this stuff is not easy. In fact, you may find at some point in your later life that you will have to revisit these painful lessons when you thought that you were done with them. As I have recently had to do.

When the ex-wife blew up our marriage in a mushroom cloud of feelings I barely knew which way was up. The only thing that I did know was that I had to make every effort possible to stay away from girls. This is because as a man, when you are in emotional turmoil, you will make emotional decisions when presented with the opportunity to do so. I knew this so I became a monk. There was nothing else for it. I simply did not trust myself not to make a bad decision. We are all susceptible to these traps because we are human and humans are extremely fallible, particularly in times of personal crisis.

If as a man you derive your value from a girl then you will place yourself permanently in that same sort of emotional crisis behavior. Your feelings and happiness will be flotsam in the wind of her whims and notions. She will emotionally toy with you like a cat with a mouse, not because she is evil but because that is what women do. Trapped in a powerless emotional state, all of your decisions will be the wrong ones, that is when you are able to make a decision because your usual behavior pattern will be one of stone cold fear.

If your derive all of your value from a girl then you will quickly find that you have no value at all. Worse than that, you will not know how to get yourself out of your terrible situation. Even if the girl leaves you, like with the young man in the video, you will still be on the hook. That’s the fascinating thing; you put yourself on the hook, voluntarily. You do this because it’s easier to be a victim than it is to make a man of yourself.

Which is why Cappy has no patience or time to waste in that video. The young man that I spoke to is not in such dire circumstances. He is actually doing pretty well because he is aware of his shortcoming and he is trying to fix it. I told him to focus on everything but the girls. Derive your value from what you can do and what you offer to your community as a man. Being the best man that you can be will be a huge boon for you when the going gets tough. I can attest to that.