Science Says Parents of the Most Successful Kids Do These 10 Things. That’s the headline. In reality it’s an opinion piece. Even worse, it’s an opinion piece from a guy attempting to flog his e-book. Here are his 10 must do things for parents to raise successful kids:

  1. They move to the best neighborhood they can afford.
  2. They model and encourage good relationships.
  3. They praise their children the right way.
  4. They encourage them to do scut work.
  5. They ensure their kids know they will always support them.
  6. They help them to become resilient.
  7. They advocate for them at school.
  8. They remind them (ahem) of their high expectations for them.
  9. They hope that they marry the right person.
  10. They encourage them to act like entrepreneurs (and maybe become rich).

Some of these are plain stupid, particularly hoping that your kid will marry well. Hoping is not something that you do or that will achieve a tangible outcome. I can hope that my imaginary kid becomes a brain surgeon but it ain’t going to achieve anything. Number 7 is the most ridiculous and yet at the same time the most indicative of the society in which we now live. Here is a little snippet of its wisdom:

A 45-year longevity study called the Study of Mathematically Precocious Youth found that schools often ignore the most talented students, in favor of trying to increase the performance of more average pupils.

This all comes from a misguided belief that gifted students will achieve on their own—even in spite of a strict educational system that doesn’t serve them well. Unfortunately, it’s a huge societal mistake. The only real antidote is parental involvement and advocacy.

Or in other words, a licence to be an annoying and interfering fuck. Notice also the implicit assumption that the readers’ kids are gifted when the reality will be that the little bastards are very average. No wonder there are no more good people left in teaching. Imagine having to put up with parents advocating for their brats. What form is this advocacy supposed to take? Do you turn up to parent/teacher night with lawyers in tow?

Whatever. The reason why I have taken some slight interest in this miserable article is not for what it contains but rather what it omits. As I scanned down the list of 10 things that science says you simply must do as a parent my hope rose and rose as I felt a growing chance of this being an opportunity to tear someone down. And as I reached good old number 10 my satisfaction was complete. For this clown had omitted the number one thing that you must do in this day and age to have a chance at raising well balanced kids.

Be married and don’t get divorced.

It’s not hard, people. But actually it is. Attached to this truth are many more caveats which would take an entire book to sufficiently explore and expand upon. For instance:

  1. Don’t marry a slut.
  2. Don’t marry a girl with tattoos, (see number 1.)
  3. Don’t marry a single mum.
  4. Don’t marry a girl with debt.
  5. Don’t marry a girl with a college degree, (see number 4).
  6. Don’t marry a girl whose parents got divorced.
  7. Don’t marry a girl who came from a single mum.
  8. Don’t marry a redhead.
  9. Don’t marry a girl who is prone to poor choices, (see all of the above.)
  10. Don’t marry a girl who has siblings from different fathers.

I could go on. Readers are invited to add their own to the list. And before all you black pilled idiots come screaming in here with your protestations that no modern man should get married ever ever ever, the topic is how to bring up successful kids.

I feel despair that I have to explain that last bit. But then again, reading comprehension always loses to ideology.