On yesterday’s post some commenters were confused as to why I included redheads in my opening salvo list of attributes you want to avoid in women if you intend on wifing up.

JohnC

Why are women with redheads bad for wives?

Kraemer

I would have liked Adam to make the distinction between genuine gingers and dyed red hair. Dyed red hair is a big red flag, gingers are like other women imho: many bad ones but don’t dismiss them out of hand.

Contrary to what some of you may think my inclusion of redheads, natural redheads, as being sub-optimal for purposes of a serious and stable relationship was carefully considered. My days of wilful and ill thought out behavior ended that fateful morning that I peered too far inside a threshing machine.

ikr

I get the joke for the stereotype, but is there any scientific or statistical truth to redheads being prone to craziness?

Why yes, there is. And it’s courtesy of the deep and rewarding archives of Chateau Heartiste.

Is she a redhead?

Naughty nympho.  Sex with her will be amazing.  Sign her waiver absolving her of any culpability for damages incurred as a result of the future depraved acts she will put you through.  Think I’m glibly stereotyping redheads?  Check this out:

From the 19th century Cesare Lombroso reports the hair color frequencies of whorish Women Offenders Against Chastity:

Criminal    Normal

Fair-haired           26%      12%
Dark-haired          26%      20%
Red-haired            48%      0%
Chestnut haired    41%      68%

Stereotypes don’t materialize out of thin air, you know.  Once your sultry redhead has corrupted your tender heart, pop the question:

“Did you steal my wallet?”

The sumptuous redhead is statistically likely to blow your mind in the sack which unfortunately directly correlates with craziness and thus high drama. If you are looking for 9 and a half weeks of pulsating and increasingly bizarre ways to play hide the sausage then she is your go-to girl. However, if you’re looking for a woman to be the mother of your children then you must remember what the original topic was and keep that firmly in mind as she wakes you up with yet another oral vacuuming session.

The other problem with redheads as mothers is the very high chance that your kids will be ugly mutants. Yes, your redheaded wife may be the most beautiful woman for hundreds of miles around, but unfortunately the redhead gene is non-discriminatory in its efforts to produce very ugly people. No matter how beautiful she is, your chances of producing kids that will have a good chance to grab a leading role in future productions of The Elephant Man will be better than 90%.

So by all means play around with your gorgeous redheaded girl, just keep in mind that by evolutionary standards she is beset with danger. Nature provided us with brightly colored plumage as a warning, after all.