Women giving men advice on just about anything except for competitive knitting really gives me the shits, and even the knitting advice these days is mostly suspect. The very worst is when women attempt to lecture us on what we need to do in relationships, which is kind of like the gazelle informing the lion on how to hunt. Come to think of it, it’s not like that at all. Somebody else come up with a good analogy.

But the very worst is women who give well meaning advice to men on this subject. You know; the women who are “on our side”. Bettina Arndt is the Australian version of this and she is a dead set grade A fucking moron. Any man who takes her advice may as well go out and chop off his nuts with some sheep shears and be done with it.

Then there’s this numpty, the latest incursion into the already overcrowded field of women wanting to help men by telling them what to do. Her 6 ways men can become emasculation proof was obviously written with a looming deadline in mind, the type that can cause any writer to cast around the interwebs for someone, anyone, to attack.

Spawny’s Space has already had a go at dissecting her screed, but I want to focus on just a couple of aspects of her blather.

Recognize that your desire to prove you’re a New Age man (rather than like your old-fashioned, “gendered” parents) will likely undermine your needs as a man. Don’t be overly accommodating and wind up frustrated. You will almost certainly lash out in other ways from stifling your true self.

Men don’t have a “true self”. Women have that because women find themselves. But men make themselves. Do you see why you never listen to women about this stuff? It’s not only that they have no fucking idea, but whatever they say will be couched in female terms because that’s all they know. Stifling your true self? What true self is that? I’m sorry but I’ve just finished a 15 hour shift down the goddamn coal mine and my true self is nowhere to be seen, let alone stifled, now give me another beer, woman, and shut the fuck up.

Retain your male friends and make use of male spaces.

We don’t have any male friends anymore because we can’t find any as they’re all hiding from women. And not specific women; just women in general. As for male spaces, dear lord, where have you been? We haven’t been “allowed” to have male only spaces for decades now. A few years ago some men in outback Australia got together to form a pathetic men’s shed club, because that is the only shitty part of the house that they were allowed to freely inhabit, and the chicks quashed that one dead almost immediately. Not by banning it, they’re not stupid in that respect. No, they have a rat cunning when it comes to making men’s lives a misery. They simply forced through a mandate that the girls had to be allowed in as well, and of course one gutless male folded immediately and the rest was the continued sad history of our sex for the last few generations.

So how does the average guy who’s been groomed to wear skinny jeans and to wear his emotions on his sleeve and to do the diapers and the dishes (relax: I’m not suggesting men not do diapers and dishes) and to say “we’re pregnant” instead of “my wife is pregnant” retain his identity and avoid emasculation?

Well then what are you saying? Make up your mind, you stupid bint. You can’t have it both ways. Either we’re doing the dishes or we’re not doing the dishes but what she’s written here makes no sense whatsoever. Unless you intend for us to fall back on the old Bettina Arndt favorite and negotiate. Hint – don’t do this.

I’m going to sum up these 6 mindless and stupid pieces of advice with 5 words. One at a time.

Always treat a woman with respect, but don’t cave to her demands. Better yet, avoid demanding women altogether.

Tell her to fuck off.

If your wife or girlfriend says something with which you disagree, or if she wants to do something you don’t want to do, say so.

Tell her to fuck off.

You have as much say in so-called “women’s issues” as women do—because they’re not women’s issues. They’re human issues that almost always involve men and children. Know your mind and speak it.

Tell her to fuck off.

Recognize that your desire to prove you’re a New Age man (rather than like your old-fashioned, “gendered” parents) will likely undermine your needs as a man. Don’t be overly accommodating and wind up frustrated. You will almost certainly lash out in other ways from stifling your true self.

Tell her to fuck off.

Learn to say no to a woman.

Tell her to fuck off.

Retain your male friends and make use of male spaces.

Tell her to fuck off.

Job done. Time to go to the pub.