Heya, young dudes. Still looking for that special lady, that gorgeous someone to spend your valuable free time with while you wander slowly in the fields of joy? I bet you are, I bet you are indeed. It matters not their unfeminine appearance and behavior; what only counts is whether or not she will accept you, her veritable knight in shining armor.

But do you know how to measure up, oh noble knight that you are. Perhaps you are a bit confused at how to comport yourself. The field of chivalry is chaotic and bereft of the type of clear guidelines that a young paladin such as yourself could well make use. But fear not! For a veritable lady, a modern lady no less, has come forth to provide you with the list of things that must be done to … hang on a minute, just checking how she put it … oh yes,

Stay single until you meet a guy who does these 70 things.

Now your path is clear, young gentlemen of the shining virtue. So saddle up and prepare to begin your quest as you strive to follow the modern 70, yes, you read that right; 70 virtues which you must possess to win the lady’s heart.

I picked out some particularly choice examples.

14. Drives you to and from places.

Young women see you as their personal taxi driver. Behave accordingly.

16. Texts back quickly.

You’re on the clock and she’s counting. Don’t hesitate another second or she might be displeased.

17. Supports you and all you do.

Does she want to find herself by sleeping with as many men as possible? Then you have to support that. Or maybe she’s decided that a life of crime will suit her down to a tee. Better get shopping for her new meth lab!

19. Takes care of you when you’ve had too much to drink.

It’s official – all modern women are alcoholics.

25. Learns to read you and knows when something isn’t right.

Which is all the time. Dead easy, that one.

45. Or you when you sing too loudly in the car to songs he doesn’t like. He doesn’t change the station.

Are you starting to get the feeling that this list might be a little subjective?

52. Makes you laugh just looking at your phone.

You are on the clock, all the time, to entertain her. Fail just once and that might be it for you. No pressure then.

55. Try this food. Go this place. Read this book. Watch this movie.

The spiritual depth of young people today knows no bounds.

60. Someone who doesn’t mind that you take all the blankets.

You’re supposed to freeze to death for her.

61. Or you sleep on his side of the bed.

And sleep on the floor.

62. Or that your hair is always in his face when he sleeps.

While she leans over you with a meat cleaver.

65. Always says yes to you.

I’m getting the feeling that maybe, just maybe, modern women might be lacking in boundaries. Any boundaries at all.

70. And isn’t afraid to say I love you first.

Go on, I dare you.

Also, this thread is useless without pics. Here she is, boys!

H/T Spawny.

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