Stab yourself in the face with a meat cleaver and then get yourself on one of them porn sites and see what pops up on your flickering screen. Betcha it’s gonna be exciting, with some hawt chicks doing the nasty with the requisite male porn stars. As far as I’m concerned, all porn is just gay. As in the big homo. If you’re watching it then you’re a voyeur on men’s intimate parts while they get it on with women who just might have been around the block a few times. Sounds pretty gay to me. And Satanic.

Anyhoo, one of the main porn sites conducted a poll. It’s important to keep in mind that there is no breakdown of respondents. In other words, a high proportion of the respondents are most likely chicks. And chicks vote with their own interests in mind. So if they have a big fat stonking backside then they’re gonna vote for the bottom club.

So let’s take a peek through the peepshow at the poll results of bottoms versus boobies.

A few takeaways. Firstly, there’s a pretty neat division here. The vast majority of Africa prefers bottoms. The vast majority of Africa is black. Make your own conclusions.

The USA runs together with Africa and most of South America. The only country in South America that doesn’t get with the bottoms program is Argentina. Argentina is the most European nation in that continent.

Asia is almost entirely pro-boobies. Asian women are mostly thin. It’s rare to see a fatty in that part of the word, so boobies it is. In other words, this isn’t a boobies versus bottoms examination as much as it is thin girls versus fatties. Notice Papua New Guinea all by itself in the red? Fat chicks galore there, or so I’ve been told.

The USA is of course fatty central. So their predilection for the swaying of large posteriors makes perfect sense. In some ways this map represents civilization or the absence of it. Turns out that the USA is already lost. A few of us have been saying that for a while. It took Pornhub to confirm it.

Two other takeaways – people in North Korea apparently watch porn. Also, they’re mostly starving to death so a big bottom represents a lot more than just sexual attraction.

And Iceland? I have no idea. But I’ve heard that they’re weird up there.

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