We had small dogs growing up, Scottish terriers or some half baked mongrel breed. I didn’t care for them as at the first sign of an open gate they were off down the street and a frightening episode would play out where us kids had to go in search of the escaped hairball while our lunatic mother screeched to high heaven that the dog had escaped! the dog had escaped! as if we didn’t already bloody well know.

Later on after I had moved out of home, the old man got a chihuahua. I just want it to be known that when composing this piece I did not and still do not know how to spell that word, and thus I had to look it up on the interwebs. That dog was okay, I guess. But what could you do with it? Go hunting ants? No, I’m not a small dog guy.

I’m not a really big dog guy either. My neighbours have got Pyrenean Mastiffs, three of them. One of them is a pup. They got him when he was three months and he already was bigger than a Labrador. The older one has been weighed and is a tad under 90 kilos. They are lovely dogs but they’re just too big as far as I’m concerned.

No, I’m more a medium sized dog guy. I’ve had a few in the past but my favourite was a Border Collie/Australian Shepherd cross. That was a really smart dog, I think I taught him upwards of forty different commands, verbal and hand signals. But what I like the most about those kinds of dogs is that they are always focused on you. Yes, there was a lot of initial training involved but once you get that done then the rewards are constant. Much like women and children when I come to think of it.

If I had to have a small dog, if I was dragged kicking and screaming then there would only be one choice and that would be a German dachshund, also known as the sausage dog. They are temperamental and difficult to train; some would even say impossible. But the ones that I have known were excellent dogs and companions with lively personalities. Most of all, they were focused on me. I didn’t have to run down the street chasing after the bloody things.

I have never raised or owned one myself, they have always been the property of others. But I have always had a soft spot for them. My number one was called Otto, the Little Nazi Hound. This was shortened to Otto unless he was being introduced for the first time, whereby he got the full title. I think perhaps introducing a dachshund pup when you already have a fully trained border collie is probably the way to go, let the trained dog help teach the jongen. That might be the go. I miss having a dog so hopefully in the future things will have come to a point where they are on the cards again.

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