I love smoking. I don’t smoke habitually, merely for pleasure. I smoke cigarettes, (sans filter, mind you), I imbibe on cigars, and I have a pipe. I’m a bit of a smoking slut in that regard. Smoking is the thinking man’s drug, which is probably why our global overlords pushed so hard to make the very act akin to dropping one’s pants in public and having an energetic wank.

This has been most successful in countries of an Anglo-Saxon persuasion. In continental Europe, smoking is still an acceptable social activity. During the last lockdown I had occasion to lunch in a beautiful restaurant. This was strictly an underground affair where you had to know someone so as to be admitted; a speakeasy during virus times, if you will. We were dining indoors and we smoked throughout the meal. Why not? If you’re breaking one rule you might as well break a whole bunch of them while you’re at it.

What struck with me about that episode was the joyful attitude amongst all the diners in the room that we were all breaking the rules together. Europeans like being naughty. They like to politely stick it to the soulless bureaucrats who attempt to govern every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, Anglo countries are the opposite of this. We tend to be nations of dobbers, which is Australian vernacular for being a snitch.

Back to smoking being the thinking man’s drug of choice. Smoking does sharpen the cognitive faculties. If it ain’t true then where are your studies showing that it doesn’t? Just as I thought, and thus my point is proven. Smoking is also a peaceful drug; you never hear of peace crack pipes, do you. Yes, some smokers go overboard and heave a couple of packs a day down their lungs, but people are people and we all have to depart this earthly coil in some manner.

I love the accessories that abound with the practice of smoking. Even the lowly cigarette smoker can arm himself with beautiful lighters and ashtrays, not to mention the glorious cigarette case which is a fine counter to the lunacy of covering the packs with photos of diseased worms. In the realm of cigars you have cigar cutters and lighters, not to mention the awesome variety of humidors. And pipe smokers have a vast array of tools with which to prepare and pack their blessed pipe, not to mention the extraordinary number of tobaccos from which to choose.

Smoking never causes belligerency or a desire to commit atrocities. On the contrary, it is inducive to the creative acts and fields of endeavor. Perhaps that is one reason why the fields of literature, art and music are now so uninspiring. The artists themselves are now clean living types, also commonly referred to as boring shitless bastards. They could do with some smoking to fire them up. Get their juices flowing as opposed to the warmed up tosh that they foist on an uncaring public.

Smokers are the most interesting people that I know and also the most generous. They hold onto their drug of choice in the face of at times immense social animosity. These are people who think for themselves, who refuse to bow down to modern conventions and norms. The more that they are scolded then the more that they enjoy blowing smoke in the faces of those fatuous do-gooder whiners who are so desperate to be seen to be telling other people what to do. If you are a smoker today then you really are a rebel, and that itself is cause for celebration.

I know that I can trust a smoker, at least in a relative sense. They have their priorities straight and they are the sort who won’t buckle under pressure. And you know that if they run out of ciggies then they’ll be leading the charge across no-man’s land on the enemy positions, out of purely selfish reasons. And who can argue with that? Not I for one, and why would I argue? I like a smoke and when I do the thought of being argumentative just doesn’t enter my mind. I’m happy enough puffing away while listening to some bore’s inanities. Let him pontificate and obfuscate, what do I care? All is well with the world as I enjoy my smoke of the day.

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